It’s taken me some time to put this list together, but it helps remind my daughter that I still have a sense of humour. At my age – 94 – it helps. I know I’m getting old, but I don’t let it stop me from getting up to a little bit of mischief!
My daughter takes the wheelie bin out once a week. It just so happens that – on average – my back also goes out once a week. It usually starts screaming at me as I’m watching my daughter drag the bin out to footpath.
On the occasions where I am unlucky enough to drop something, I have to think about how I am going to pick it up. I have the option of bending like an embalmed mummy to avoid popping a knee or throwing out my back, or I could simply kick whatever I’ve dropped out of the way and leave it for my daughter to pick up. I often think it’s better for her to pick something up than me. The frustration is real!
A long time ago my skin was as smooth as a baby’s bottom and the right make-up would make me feel like a million dollars. Age and the years of going out into the sun without any sun cream has caught up with me. With all the cracks and crevices, my skin now resembles a geriatric crocodile. These days it’s also a case of ‘what you see is what you get’ but I wouldn’t mind some of that ‘My Perfect Eye’ I often see advertised on the television – apparently you look sensational for quite a few hours before you start to fall apart when you use that stuff!
I have Thermoskin supports for 99 per cent of my joints, a walking stick for when my knee gives up and a wheelie walker for around the house. I also have a mobility scooter for those longer trips, and cold and hot packs for when Arthur Ritis comes to visit.
I love to look at expensive modern shoes. I love trying them on. I remember the days when I could walk around in high heels all day long … and I have the bunions to prove it. I also remember the days I could wear flats with ease. Of course these days, I buy sensible shoes to accommodate the bunions and support my fallen arches.
I put my glasses on the bedside table, my hearing aides in their box and my dentures in a cup. I apply my miracle cream. I take off my shoes and socks, then my knee-, elbow- and wrist-braces. By the time I’ve achieved all this I am tired. I get my pyjamas on and I finally climb into bed only to realise it’s nearly time to wake up again!