I agree it would be great to know what the amount of sex is that we need to have to be normal! I have clients of all ages worried that the amount of sex they are having is either way too much or not enough to be ‘normal’. It is a very common fear for a lot of us that we may be considered under-sexed or over-sexed.
Whilst the medical definition of a sexless marriage is having sex less than 11 times per year, I do have to question that and ask what they consider sex. I believe that sex can cover many different forms of sexual activity, and not always include penis in vagina penetration sex.
The amount of sex we have over the age of 60 is often impacted by our health or a decline in sexual hormones which can make sexual activity difficult or painful. I can reassure you though that there is no ‘normal’ amount of sex we should or should not be having when we reach the age of 60 and over.
I recommend indulging in as many sexual experiences as you desire and are confident you can do without any adverse health effects. Any concerns you may have about your health or a medical condition that is stopping you from having all the sex you would like should be discussed with your doctor.
Within couples, it is very common to have a difference in sexual desire, which without effective communication, can result in one partner feeling rejected and frustrated at the lack of sex, and the other partner feeling pressured and resentful at the amount of sex they are expected to have. Being able to understand each other’s sexual appetite and to recognise there are different types of sexual desire, as well as ways to fulfil those desires, can overcome problems caused by a lot of sexual shame or one partner feeling broken or abnormal in their sexual activity.
If you are worried you are not having enough sex, then I highly recommend exploring various sexual experiences that bring you the most pleasure and indulging in them as often as you like. If you are worried you are having too much sex, and your health is good, then I celebrate you and encourage you to have all the sex you want. As we all know, sexual pleasure and orgasming have a multitude of health and well-being benefits that help us to live longer and feel fabulous!
Much love and desire, Polly. Xo