‘Lord love older men: They may be hopeless but they’re not all bad’

Lord love older men.

How would we describe this particular brand of older men I’m talking about? Basically, they are dreamers living in the past, or in their own fantasies. They sit there, staring at the television, usually sport shows.

“Old men will dream dreams,” a prophet once claimed, according to the Bible. Yes, these older men can imagine beer-belly porn. Lord love these older men. These particular older men want porn with lively young babes, preferably acrobatic lasses with all the moves. These girls have entrancing, nubile attractions.

Unfortunately, these older males have bad backs, especially when anything needs doing. If they do indulge in beer-belly porn with the aforementioned lasses, this might cause these older males to develop herniated discs and result in MRI scans and spinal surgeons. Many anti-inflammatories and much pain relief later, the older males would wind up watching sport on television. Let the whinging commence. Lord love these older men.

There is a flip side to these older male dreamings. What would the lively young lasses really think? Just because beer-belly porn is based on fantasies about lively young babes, this does not mean that the babes shall participate. Fat chance covers a lot of potential sins! Only if the older male is as rich as Donald Trump. Haha.

Of course, older males and younger females can have satisfying relationships. They are called May-December romances. Some younger women seem to attract older men for various reasons. Older males might be over their excessive macho behaviours, have more life experiences, be more financially secure and display maturity.

But then, some older men are no more mature than when they were two years old. It is considered arrested development. Older males can exhibit attention seeking and emotional blackmailing behaviours. They might only need an audience, which is stinking thinking.

They sit in their armchairs, gazing at sport, still dreaming of those lively young babes. These older males do not seem to realise that no woman of any age is going to appear through the television screen and rescue them from their rut.

Even in far-off fantasia where some older males have beer-belly porn for real, there is still the matter of their cardiac conditions and tendencies to have strokes. Talk about health hazards.

So, there are the older males, still flicking through the channels on their television. Older males, browsing for beer-belly porn. Lord love these older males. Someone needs to!