Well, hello there. I suggest you read this article, written with tongue in cheek, for a laugh. Today I am reviewing new indoor sports, titled, Games Geriatrics Play.
Being a good, obedient old ‘girl’, raised to have filial piety, I stuck by my late mother for many a long year, along with her second husband. He lived to be a 100 years old, and mum passed away at a ripe old age. These days, I am a caregiver for a geriatric male, old Bob, I shall call him. (Not his real name). From observing my mum, step-father and Bob, and other old timers, I name their indoor games with a sense of humour.
Sport Number One: Pity Parties
Geriatrics are very good at pity parties. Some days they earn a gold medal. Much attention-seeking goes on from the moment they wake, till they retire for the evening, older and greyer than they were in the morning.
Sport Number Two: Blubbering Parties
Yes, downright blubbering. They wake up with a bad back, (tough about the caregiver’s back), to moaning non-stop, “Why is my life so dreadful?” But they never miss a meal or a cup of tea, or a sweet biscuit. Basically, if you a carer, don’y worry too much about pity or blubbering parties. You need to worry when they stop eating good food, and you have to give them pies and steaks via nasogastric intubation. We should all live so long. Blubbering, of course, can lead to indoor sport for geriatrics number three.
Sport Number Three: Stinking Thinking
This line of thought in the older generation rates as emotional blackmail, in the manipulative ties that bind. Primarily, geriatrics are scared silly of ending up in the back of a black limousine, or in a nursing home, controlled by real geriatric nurses. So the elderly play Stinking Thinking, which can lead to many a gold medal.
Sport Number Four: Phoney Fear Campaigns
Generally, these geriatrics are tough as old boots, or they would not have survived as long as they have. Look at Willy Nelson, for example. Eighty-seven years old, and still rocking around America. Here, caregivers need to maintain their cool in daily management of a geriatric. You must teach them what to expect in their routine, and when to expect things, in a peaceful, calm environment. Carers are champions, we often do the hard yards when geriatrics’ families are apathetic, so we can all polish our haloes.
Sport Number Five: Silly O’Clock
The geriatrics I have known have also all mastered gold medal performances in this sport. Yes, we all have senior moments. Geriatrics have the most senior moments. They sit on their glasses, make phone calls on a television remote, get querulous and demanding, some even talk to their toilet brush while on the loo. Do not take this seriously, old people dream dreams.
Sport Number Six: Dodge the Audiologist
This is a game we all play as we get older. Just asked, “What did you say?” at regular intervals, with a smile, and we can all have non-conversations! Deafness is a natural part of ageing. One day I will not be able to hear a word Old Bob has to say.
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