One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said: “You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?”
“Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
“That’s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?”
“Yeah, and they’re in favour 15 to 2.”
Three prisoners are on death row and are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.
One man asks for pepperoni pizza, which he is served and then taken away.
The next man requests a filet mignon, which he is served and also taken away.
The last man requests a plate of strawberries.
The guards are surprised and reply: “Strawberries?”
“But they are out of season!”
A man was just coming out of anaesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured: “You’re beautiful.”
Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said: “You’re cute.”
“What happened to ‘beautiful?'” she asked him.
“The drugs are wearing off,” he replied.
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