An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied: “I’d like to have some birth-control pills”.
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said: “Excuse me, Mrs Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded: “They help me sleep better”.
The doctor thought some more and continued: “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
The woman said: “Simple. I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night”.
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service: “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
One bright little girl replied: “Because people are sleeping”.
There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard: “Jesus is watching you!”
He didn’t see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing. Again, he heard: “Jesus is watching you!”
He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
“Did you say that?” asked the burglar.
“Yes,” replied the parrot.
“By the way, what’s your name?” the burglar inquired.
“Moses,” answered the parrot.
“Who the heck would name a parrot, Moses?”
“The same people who named their Rottweiler Jesus!”