Why I wish my husband would gain weight again

I know this might sound silly but I wish my husband would gain weight again. When we met, Phil was

I know this might sound silly but I wish my husband would gain weight again.

When we met, Phil was 90kg, but didn’t look overweight – in fact he had a nicely filled-out look that I enjoyed very much. Fast forward 40 years and my husband has become a shell of his former self – literally! He now weighs 68kg and is lean and fit.

While I love the muscles, I can’t help but want the man I married back. Instead of cuddling up on the couch, my man hardly wants to sit down. He is constantly on the go, something I think will ultimately do more harm than a few extra kilos ever did! but mostly, I miss his old carefree personality. Now all he cares about is not looking like an old man, and obsesses over food and weight loss. I am not the thinnest of women, and his constant nagging at me to do more exercise makes me feel very self conscious.

So that’s kind of why I wish he went back to being a bit chubbier – he wouldn’t judge me for being back in the past quite as much. We still love each other so much, but when your husband gets more compliments on his weight loss than you do, you have to wonder whether you really like the person he’s become.

We used to enjoy a few wines, and go out for dinner, and lie on the beach for our holidays but now he’s ditched the wines for energy drinks, dinners for work outs and beach holidays for hikes. I feel like I can’t keep up and he’ll run so fast I won’t be able to catch him.

My kids say I’m just insecure because he’s fit and I want to look better but it’s more than that: being a little more round made him more… I don’t know, human? Accessible? I find it hard to pinpoint the words. But I wonder if other women, or even men, feel the same. That they wish their partner had stayed as they were?

Tell me your thoughts…

  1. Well I couldn’t bear a fat husband ,he sound like he is health conscious. Which is what everyone should be — I’m sure he mentions your weigh because he wants you to be healthy also — so many fat people don’t seem to care about the way they look. Or the medical problems being fat causes. Be grateful !!!!!!

    • Dianne  

      Wow!! Judgmental much?? Don’t you realise that being skinny doesn’t necessarily equate to being healthy, plenty of skinny people have health problems too. Also, if some people don’t seem to care about how they look, why do you care so much about how they look? Is it because you can look down your skinny nose at them and tut tut about their size and feel so superior?

    • Wow Grace, it must be hard to breath up there in the rarefied world of perfection. What a nasty person you are. You might look good (and that is a very subjective thing), but you are obviously pretty nasty on the inside, which is where it really counts.

  2. Fast forward 40 years and how much have you changed. If he is fit and wants you to exercise , you know who is not fit.

  3. You are insecure, over ride those feeling because it sounds to me like your husband is feeling a lot healthier and fitter. He still loves you, he is just flexing his new found body

  4. Jacquie Murray  

    How insensitive of your husband and children!!! What happened to accepting people as they are specially the ones you are suppose to love?? Judgemental of others to comment as they have too! Let him go and hike and drink energy drinks and look older than he really is. Relax, look back at your life and realise you have give birth to children, supported your husband to the nth degree and now it is time for said children and husband to support and love you. Only one go at this life don’t be dictated to by others even if they are supposedly well meaning.

  5. Sounds like he’s become an obnoxious health snob. You’re not just insecure, he’s making you feel less of a person because you’re not as health & exercise conscious as he has become. Tell him that this is how he’s making you feel. He’s so absorbed in himself that he just assumes that you’re going to do the same as he is because you have always done things together. Also, tell him to pull his head in show some respect for you. Good luck.

    • Dianne Gilbey  

      I agree with Pauline. If he wants to be fit ok but it doesn’t give him the right to judge you.

    • Angie B  

      I agree with you, Pauline. People can become obsessed with weight loss and fitness. What suits one person does not always suit another. Acceptance for the one you love should be paramount. We have a ‘diet nazi’ in our family too, and it can be annoying!

  6. If he was a few years younger I’d say he was having a mid life crisis. My ex suddenly thought he was missing out on life, started running and lost so much weight so quickly his workmates thought he had cancer because he looked so drawn and haggard. He went on to get the bike, pierced ears ad the blonde in the office.
    His excuse was he wanted to do a lot of things like travel, when I said don’t you think I want that too his reply was I was only thinking about what I wanted.

  7. Kathy Jannis  

    Yes I hear what you are saying. There is the danger in this situation (and I think you are picking up on it) that his focus on being slim is making you feel that you dont measure up to his expectations of you. Its unrealistic of him and can destabilize your marriage by making you feel very insecure.

  8. Claire Hancock  

    If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em ! Give your husband’s way of living a try for a few months. If at the end of that time you’re not feeling healthier, happier and enjoying the time you spend on activities with your husband … then go back to your old habits. But I reckon you’ll feel so much better that you’ll adopt the new habits permanently.

  9. I feel for you, I used to be very fit and healthy and I certainly was when I met my husband, fast forward 15 years I am chubby and waiting on a new knee and hip. We eat well I do what exercise I can but my hubby ay 71 still does, badminton, yoga, swimming all twice a week and is till very fit and active. These things can make us grow apart. I don’t have an answer for you, but I do understand. Good Luck

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