Who is to blame when it comes to cheating?

Earlier this week, Donald Trump ruffled feathers when he declared that his opponent Hillary Clinton was to blame for her
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Earlier this week, Donald Trump ruffled feathers when he declared that his opponent Hillary Clinton was to blame for her husbands affair all those years ago.

Speaking to a stadium filled with thousands of people, Trump triumphantly told his supporters that Hillary was a “nasty” woman and an “enabler” of her husbands infidelity.

He blamed her for Bill’s indiscretions and said that Hillary “hurt many women” by staying with him and not setting a good example by leaving.

While his words were met with scoffs from many people, they raised an interesting question: who is to blame when it comes to cheating?

The first instinct is usually to blame the cheater; after all they are the ones who lied, deceived and broke their vows. Why wouldn’t we blame them?

There are some though who take a different approach, saying it takes two to tango and that people are only driven to cheat because their partner is not giving them something they need.

Indeed, many people have said their partners tried to blame them for their cheating when the affair was finally uncovered.

Speaking anonymously on The Experience Project, one woman said she confronted her husband after finding out he had been cheating for months only to have him turn around and tell her that it was all her fault.

“He keeps telling me to get over it, gets raging mad at me when I break down about it or even if I mention it, and otherwise treats me pretty horrible,” she said.

“He says all of our problems are because of me, because I can’t get over it and just trust him. He tells me that it was my fault he cheated. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Her story received dozens of replies from women who said the same thing had happened to them.

It wasn’t just their cheating partners who blamed them either.

It was their friends and family who said they were “too demanding” or “too uptight”; some even said it was their fault because they didn’t have sex with their husbands often enough.

These kinds of stories seem to be all too common these days, with cheaters trying to wiggle their way out of their lies by shoving the blame onto their partners instead.

Even psychologist can’t seem to reach an agreement on the issue.

Dr Sheri Meyers, who wrote Chatting or Cheating, says that while the cheater is mostly to blame, the other partner should also take a “serious look” at themselves to see why their partner might have been driven to cheat in the first place.

“Since a relationship is the creation of what two people put into it, when cheating happens, both partners must take a serious look at their own responsibility and contribution to the downfall of their closeness,” she said.

While some say this is a fair argument, others say it’s ridiculous.

“Your partner’s words of blame are self-serving and selfish,” said marriage and family therapist Abe Kass.

“Either he or she is trying to get you to feel guilty so you won’t want to talk about the affair which essentially “shuts you up” and makes dealing with infidelity impossible or he or she does not have the strength of character to accept responsibility and then struggle with the feelings of guilt and shame for what he or she has done.”

For those who do try to work through their issues and forgive their partner for cheating, there are all kinds of obstacles to overcome.

Sometimes they are perceived as weak for staying in the marriage and not breaking it off and going out on their own. Others are accused of staying in the relationship for money or convenience.

This is a whole new level of blame they have to deal with and one which many people say is completely unfair.

Whatever the reason for cheating or staying, it looks like there is no clear answer as to what is right and what is wrong.

What are your thoughts on this issue?

Is the cheater always to blame? Or should both people shoulder some of the blame?

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