When you have children, you parent the best way that you know how. As time goes on, there might be a few things that you learned might not have been the best way. It’s not your fault; you were working with what was known. You might have yelled at them when they were naughty, or you might even have “taken them to the woodshed” when discipline was needed. It was the way you were raised, and you turned out alright. Right?
You learned to parent from your parents and your children learn to parent from you. If you are watching your adult child handle a situation with their children in a way that you don’t approve, it might be because when the mirror is held up you don’t like what you see.
Some of you might be reading this and thinking that it’s another article that blames you for everything. Not at all. When you had young children, your goal was just to make it through the day sometimes. Life could be chaotic; there was washing up to do, clothes that needed folding, the garden needed attention, the kids were either running, screaming, fighting, or complaining they were hungry. Sometimes you would handle every problem like super-parent and other times the parent you didn’t want to be. A lot of parents are in the same boat. It’s what you did with those bad moments that might have transitioned to your children’s parenting technique.
You also need to realise that this isn’t just the negative traits that have been passed on. All the great ones have as well. If you were an encouraging, thoughtful, and supportive parent, the chances are that your child is parenting the same way. It’s not just the stories or the wooden cot that get handed down, it’s also the ways of dealing with skinned knees or bad dreams.
While your children are a reflection of you, the good and the bad, it’s never too late to break a cycle. If you see a bad trait come out in your child, perhaps they yell “What is wrong with you?” to a child that has caused a mess. You can say something; after all, you are still their parent. Wait for your grandchild to be out of the room and say to your child “I understand that I may have done that to you as a child. I was wrong to do it, and I don’t want you to regret it as I do.” A simple dialogue with them can create a great bonding moment between you and them.
Your kids grow up, but they are always your children. Being a parent is something that you can never completely retire from; you only go part time.
Do you think that your children parent like you? Do you agree or disagree with this?