When you and your partner no longer sleep in the same bed

Years ago, I’m talking 10+ years, I was having a lot of troubling sleeping. And nothing was more annoying than my partner incessant snoring. Absolutely nothing would stop it and he didn’t want to go to the doctor. So we agreed that sleeping in another room and bed would be the best idea. This was something he really wanted to do, and I have to admit feeling a little hurt when he was so excited about the prospect of sleeping alone.

Over the years, our friends have both agreed and disagreed with our arrangements. They think we could’ve compromised another way, or we shouldn’t be married if we don’t want to be in the same bed. The biggest concern for me is that the sleeping apart is not comfortable. Yes, I do get sleep, but I’d trade zero winks to have my husband in my bed. Our sex life is almost non-existent because we almost have to make plans to do it and decide which room is best.

I wonder to myself how other couples get around the issue, and if it caused any trouble with intimacy? It almost feels as if we’re just companions living together because we can never snuggle up or wake up to one another.

It’s hard to admit but a part of me feels like if we can’t sleep together peacefully, then our marriage is over. I feel like sleeping together is the most important part of a relationship, but I’m not sure how to tell my husband. I’ve tried to talk about it with him and he just shrugs it off. We haven’t tried hard to maintain the romance and often retreat to our separate rooms well before bed time. I always thought marriage was about being together, not being alone together.

And because I’m retired and he’s not, bed time is sometimes the only quality time that we get to spend with each other.

Another friend says I should stop obsessing about sleeping in the same bed as it’s a narrow view of marriage. I can’t help but think maybe she’s right and I’m overreacting. I just want us to be happy and I think it’s splitting us apart.. literally.

Is anyone else in this situation?

Tell us, do you sleep apart from your partner? What is it like? How do you keep the romance alive?