When someone is missing this Christmas

This year is the first year my husband won’t be at Christmas with my family. Just 68 years old, Lesley died in May from a sudden heart attack. He was in great health, and his untimely death has left a bigger hole than I imagined.

Lesley was the life of the party, and was the reason I got up in the morning – genuinely. That sounds like a cliche but his enthusiasm and zest for life was contagious. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, everyone seems to say it at funerals or when talking about the dead but my Lesley was the embodiment of a beautiful, bright man. He lit up a room and was always a ball of energy. I could hardly get him to sit down!

At Christmas time, Lesley was in his zone. He would eagerly put up the Christmas lights, make the cubby house for the grandies and put decorations up around the house. I couldn’t stop him from being that excited – he just was! Last year’s celebration was as big as it could be, and Lesley was a joy as usual. He made the day fun not only for the grandkids but for the adults, and regaled us with his stories as he turned the sausages on the barbie.

I dread to think of what Christmas Day will be like this year. I have not put up the Christmas tree… I can’t bring myself to do it. It won’t look like Lesley’s tree. My daughters have invited me to their house so I can be surrounded by family but really, I feel like being alone and just remembering the good times. I know that other people are missing someone this Christmas but I didn’t think it’d be this hard…

How can I ever have a fun and beautiful Christmas again? No one in my family is like Lesley was… I think it’s going to be so depressing without him.

Tell us, do you have someone missing from the table this year? How have you learnt to move on without them?