When someone is missing this Christmas

This year is the first year my husband won’t be at Christmas with my family. Just 68 years old, Lesley

This year is the first year my husband won’t be at Christmas with my family. Just 68 years old, Lesley died in May from a sudden heart attack. He was in great health, and his untimely death has left a bigger hole than I imagined.

Lesley was the life of the party, and was the reason I got up in the morning – genuinely. That sounds like a cliche but his enthusiasm and zest for life was contagious. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, everyone seems to say it at funerals or when talking about the dead but my Lesley was the embodiment of a beautiful, bright man. He lit up a room and was always a ball of energy. I could hardly get him to sit down!

At Christmas time, Lesley was in his zone. He would eagerly put up the Christmas lights, make the cubby house for the grandies and put decorations up around the house. I couldn’t stop him from being that excited – he just was! Last year’s celebration was as big as it could be, and Lesley was a joy as usual. He made the day fun not only for the grandkids but for the adults, and regaled us with his stories as he turned the sausages on the barbie.

I dread to think of what Christmas Day will be like this year. I have not put up the Christmas tree… I can’t bring myself to do it. It won’t look like Lesley’s tree. My daughters have invited me to their house so I can be surrounded by family but really, I feel like being alone and just remembering the good times. I know that other people are missing someone this Christmas but I didn’t think it’d be this hard…

How can I ever have a fun and beautiful Christmas again? No one in my family is like Lesley was… I think it’s going to be so depressing without him.

Tell us, do you have someone missing from the table this year? How have you learnt to move on without them?

  1. It’s can’t be the same without him ,I’m a good actor that day in front of the family
    outwardly ok ,but glad when the day is over .
    The family are grieving too,it’s ,hard for them remember,
    the first Christmas is the hardest like all the things we have to do for the first time .
    But you’ll get through it,
    I work hard now trying to create the magic for the grandkids .
    Hope I succeed
    Take care 🌲🌲🌲

    • Yes agree Joan all the first of everything are really hard, I have just come back from a Tour of Switzerland and Austria, it started in Zurich and the first day we were given free time to wander the City I was with a girlfriend got so far and spotted the church where I had sat having lunch with my Husband in 2011 the tears came up and I just said am going back to the bus all the way back crying the Tour Guide got off the bus and said , what’s wrong Jan I said nothing this went back and forth till he gave me a big hug and said now come on tell me what it is as something has upset you here so I told him and the driver and I felt like I had had a load lifted off my shoulder and to have that comfort and caring made a huge difference because exactly a month after being there in 2011 he passed away something my family and I never saw coming.So I certainly treasure the memories I have,

  2. Yes I know the feeling…..it will never be the same but for the kids and grandchildren we must put on our happy face and get through the festivities…….take care.

  3. Yes it’s our first one also,we’ll make the best of it,it’s no different to any other day ,it’s hard every day with out him,but we’ll enjoy it ,he’ll be here in spirit with us .

  4. Christmas is a time for a coming together of family and friends and a time of sadness and joy of the memories of the past both good and bad and a time to bring all those things together and celebrate them as they should be celebrated. Togetherness.

  5. I’d love to tell you that you’ll get over it, truth is you learn to live with it (8 yrs for me.) Put on your happy facade and go to your daughter, delight in your grand children & create a new normal; Lesley wouldn’t want it any other way!
    Good luck.

  6. When my husband was taken I was introduced to an organisation called SOLACE which offers self help and grief support for people who have experienced the death of a spouse or partner. In NSW SOLACE holds a Christmas Ffnction where if you dont want to or cant celebrate you dont have to, and you dont have to pretend to enjoy Christmas when you know you cant. Its a function of friendship, support and understanding, where you can simplly be among people who have been to the same sad place and keenly understand how difficult it can be to survive your first Christmas as a grieving widow or widower. SOLACE taught me that I do not have to act happy at Christmas time and to do so does not help. My loss was many years ago now but I am eternally grateful for that help that taught me how to survive my grief. There is a web page http://www.solace.org.au

  7. Yep, ditto. Our mum passed a month ago. Not feeling in the least Christmassy, going thru the motions.

  8. The first one is the hardest and I think the build up days are the worst just thinking about it the day will come and in the night you will be glad it is over but surprisingly you will get pass it I truely believe it is their love that helps you do this and the love you share with your family makes it a little easier

  9. 19 years since my husband died still seems like yesterday. 2 1/2 years since my daughter died. 1 1/2 years since my sister died. All from cancer. Bloody Disease!! But on a brighter night Merry Christmas as best you can. 🎄🎄🎁

    • So sorry anyone has so much loss have lossed a son and his son so can sypathise.My heart goes out to you .

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