What Pisses Me Off: Hankies, coffees, professional photos and opinions!

Oh Christine… another week, another hilarious rant by the queen of WPMO!

See what’s annoyed her and tell us, do you get irritated by these things too?

1. Mum’s tiny paper thin handkerchiefs piss me off! I find it extremely difficult to keep track of them, throwing them into the wash is a gamble. The machine is like the Bermuda Triangle: once they go in, there are no guarantees they will come out. I seriously don’t get why women’s hankies are so small, do we not get colds? I realise they are dainty and feminine, but I have quite the honker and when I have the flu I like to know I have something in my pocket that is going to cover me in sticky situations.

2. Recently at the shops I decided to treat myself, I ordered a coffee and toast and jam. I was asked, “Cappuccino? Espresso? Macchiato? Long Black? Latte? Flat White?”

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“Cappuccino please”

“Full milk? Skinny milk? Soy? Lactose free?”

“Just normal milk please”

“With your toast do you want white Bread? Wholemeal? Grain? Sourdough?”

I remember a long time ago when things were simple when you went into a cafe and ordered coffee and toast that’s exactly what you got. What the hell is a macchiato anyway?

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3. It seems to be all the rage to have professional photos done of the kiddly winks but I am not a fan at all – I have always preferred natural where the kids don’t even know they are being taken. It’s always a better shot and the memory remains in the photo, much better than “posed” studio shots where a lot of people end up looking like stunned mullets. I saw that fella on TV advertising before and after shots of grandmothers he says when you are gone the grandchildren would treasure the professional photo of their grandma. I disagree, I know my grandchildren would not recognise me all done up in a fancy dress and sporting enough make up to fill every crevice and crack and I must not forget the customary fan blowing my hair. The kids would have a good laugh! Anyway, that would not be the way I would like to be remembered especially considering I live in running shoes and trackie dacks and play Idiot Olympics with them in the back yard. They wouldn’t know who the hell it was in the photo so it would end up in the bin! Professional photos piss me off!

4. People that have a very big opinion about my life while their lives and behaviours are a million miles from what one would deem as perfect. The only exercise they get is by opening their mouths and sharing their sanctimonious drivel with whoever will listen. Those people piss me off!

5. Mum had a bit of a turn recently. When I took her back to the doctors for the results of her scans, the doctors words were all negative: if you become dizzy, if you get off balance, if your memory fails, if you get arrhythmia, if you get pins and needles, call an ambulance. Considering Mum’s age it would have been far better to say, you may never have another problem, the tumour may not grow any more, you may well get to your 92nd birthday and beyond, go out live your life and do whatever the hell you want to do! Doctors always give the worse case scenarios and it really pisses me off!

Do you have something that pisses you off? We want to know about it! Submit them to us here.