Getting into an argument with your significant other is bound to happen. While frustrations might reach the boiling point, it’s important to know to handle an argument. We took a trip to the Men’s Shed to discuss with a few of the fellas about the tips they had for arguing.
Never go to bed angry
Jack has heard this saying a billion times. His mother told it to him on his wedding day; his mother-in-law said it to him on their first anniversary, and even a few mates have quoted it to him. “It’s a bunch of rubbish,” Jack said, “A lot of the time when the misses and I would get into a disagreement it wasn’t actually about anything. It was because one or both of us was either stressed out or tired. If I were getting annoyed, I’d wonder if it was just me dealing with something and I would just go to bed. When I woke up, I wouldn’t be mad about it, and we could talk about it over a morning cuppa.”
Take a breath and don’t raise your voice
When you were a kid and didn’t get your way; you’d throw a tantrum. How did that end up working for you? Probably still didn’t get what you want and maybe you got “taken to the woodshed”. As an adult why would we think yelling at our partners would get any results at all? Charles told us “when my partner and I first got together and there was a bit of a blue it would turn red hot real fast. It was almost like the one that shouted loudest would be the winner. It didn’t work. All it did was put a strain on our relationship and we almost split up over it because we didn’t even want to talk anymore.” It was at this time that Charles and his partner decided to try a different approach, “when I could feel myself getting hot I would take a big breath and try to approach the subject from a calm place. Over time, we just started talking about things before they became a blow-up topic.”
“My wife and I decided to tackle our arguments with a time out,” Robert shared. “When we were dating, we would discuss how each of our parents would have these horrible blues, and we never wanted to be like that. We devised a plan that if we started to argue about something one of us would yell ‘time out’ and we would just go into other rooms and calm down. It was almost like two lawyers getting their cases right before the trial. We would come back together after about five minutes and state our cases calmly. It was a big help.”
No matter what the argument is about it’s always important to realise that no matter how mad you are at the other person, that anger won’t last. Keep the discussion civil and do not use it as an excuse to bring other problems into it. It’s key only to discuss one issue at a time. Work it out, seal the solution with a cuddle, and get on with the good stuff in life.