A woman has admitted she feels “betrayed” by her partner of four years and is making him choose between living close to his son, or moving eight hours away to finally live with her.
Taking to the Washington Post‘s advice column Ask Amy, the woman explained she had lived with her partner for two years, before his job meant he had to move six hours away from her.
Despite the distance, they continued their relationship for two more years, in the hopes of moving in together and eventually marrying once she had finished “school”.
“Our plan has always been for him to move this summer to be with me in my career following school. Marriage has been a topic of conversation for several years. In his “ideal world, we would already be married,” she revealed.
“He was on board with our plan to reunite until two weeks before my first day at work. Now, he is hesitant, and possibly not going to move with me for several reasons: his son lives nearby him, and also every time he moves in his career, he has to start over at the bottom.”
The woman claimed they have spoken openly about job locations, with her finding it particularly difficult to move away – and her partner had always agreed to move up to eight hours away from his son.
While her new job is now under eight hours away, her partner is beginning to worry it is actually too far, and she added: “He promised and convinced me that he would move when the time came. Although I understand his situation, I feel betrayed.
“Two years of long distance has been extremely difficult, and we always looked at this move as the light at the end of the tunnel. My job is very specialized and would be difficult to maintain in his location.
“I want to continue moving forward in our relationship, but I’m scared there may be no future now.”
In a harsher response than she may have expected, ‘Amy’ told the woman to “grow up” and realise that eight hours isn’t an ideal distance to have between a parent and a child.
“Do you think it’s ideal for a child to have his father live so far away?” The response went on. “Are you comfortable having a child engaged in a long-distance relationship with his parent, that has proven to be a huge burden and stress for you (an adult)?
“You can choose to feel betrayed, or you can grow up and realise that life is full of imponderables, loss, change and the compromises that partners occasionally have to make to be together. Let your guy state his needs, honestly and openly. And then you have a choice to make. Base it on your own priorities and goals.”
‘Amy’ then said even the best-laid plans can fall apart when there are children involved, and while it may have originally seemed okay for the father, he may now have realised it will have difficulties he couldn’t have predicted.