If you are in a relationship long enough, it’s bound to happen. The fight. Sometimes they can be quickly put to rest; sometimes they might take days to resolve. The important thing is to try to keep your cool and not say something that will be later hard to take back.
There are some lines that should never be crossed in an argument such as physical violence, but this article assumes that you already know that domestic violence is never the answer. Instead, this is a list of the top things you should never say in an argument.
“I don’t need this…”
If you have any value in the relationship, you should never threaten to leave it. While this comment is meant to hurt the other, with no real motivation behind it, it will send a clear message to your partner that you are not committed to the relationship. The trust lines could break down, and it could lead to a lot more arguments in the future.
“Just drop / forget about it…”
While the argument could reach a level that both parties should take a time out just trying to end it could just mean that it goes on a lot longer. It also increases the chance that you will say something you regret. The fight isn’t going to stop until it’s resolved so instead suggest a time out to process before agreeing to come back to the discussion. Perhaps cooler heads will get to the heart of the argument.
When you are in a heated argument with someone saying “Calm Down” is as helpful as pouring petrol on a grease fire. People can’t just turn their emotions off like a light switch and all “Calm down” is going to do is get the exact opposite reaction. The better wording would be to say “can we, please talk about this” or “I understand you’re upset, let’s talk about it.”
“That’s crazy / You’re being ridiculous!”
The last thing that you want to do when your partner is obviously having trouble with something is to tell them that you don’t care about their opinion. Saying this is what these statements do. It tells your partner that you think their opinion or feelings are not valid. They are very valid to them. You would be better of listening to their feelings and trying to share your perspective on the situation. Look at it from their point of view; it might help resolve the conflict.
This one stings no matter who says it. In an argument, nothing is ever “fine.” All “fine” means is “I’m going to stew on this and blind side you with The Argument Part 2 at a later time”. Don’t use “fine” and don’t accept a “fine” because it’s not a resolution it’s just a temporary white flag.
“You’re acting like your mother / father…”
This one will come back to haunt you. It has many layers to it like an onion, and like an onion will end up in tears. Saying this tell your partner tells them that not only do you think they way they are acting is unsavoury but that you also have an issue with their parent. If they are close to their parent that you are accusing them of being like then, they will tell them, and it will get awkward for you.
Swearing / Name calling
Remember that this person you love 90-percent or more of the time. It’s only a small percentage of time that you might not like them. A wise person once said that the first person that swears in an argument loses. Always treat your partner with respect and this is not treating them with respect.
Arguments happen, sometimes things are said and mistakes made. It is important that if you think that you fell into one of these traps to resolve them as well as the main point of the argument as soon as possible.