Relationships

Marriages ‘can include cheating and still be happy’: Psychologist

May 17, 2018

Not every marriage could survive an affair.

Discovering a spouse has betrayed you and had an affair behind your back can be an irreparable breaking point for many married couples – no matter how long you’ve been together.

But experts have sensationally claimed that many marriages, particularly in recent years, can not only survive cheating, but even include it – all while remaining happy.

Psychiatrist Kenneth Rosenberg, author of Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat, told the New York Post that the issue can often be bypassed altogether because a lot of partners never find out about their other half’s lies in the first place.

“Ninety percent of people who cheat – their spouses never find out about it,” he claimed.

Meanwhile, he added that more women are now cheating (up from 10 per cent two decades ago to 15 per cent now), almost normalising it.

If this is indeed the case, many would expect the divorce rate to be higher, as heartbroken partners end relationships over the betrayal. But physician Erika Schwartz, author of The Intimacy Solution, noted that the divorce rate among couples under 50-years-old has declined since 2009.

She says that’s largely down to younger generations being more understanding of cheating as a whole. She added to the news outlet: “[Millennials are] more honest with themselves.”

On the flip-side, the divorce rate for American adults over the age of 50 has risen by 109 per cent in the past 25 years and has remained steady since 2008, according to the Pew Research Centre. The steady increase is directly linked to the unprecedented high rates of divorce Baby Boomers experienced in their youth. Many went on to remarry, but second marriages are notoriously more difficult to sustain, according to US data, with 48 per cent of Boomer divorces in 2015 linked to adults in their second or higher marriage.

Meanwhile, while many argue that women going through menopause can trigger affairs or changes in their relationship, Schwartz claimed men can have a similar experience around a similar age – which could alter not only their libido, but also their “emotional depth”, leading to unhappiness in their current relationship.

A recent UK study, conducted by Direct Line Life Insurance, revealed that a third of married Britons have regrets about their marriage, 1.4 million admit they married the wrong person and more than 1.2 million are only staying in it for the children. A further 2.4 million people believe they walked down the aisle too early, with many feeling they didn’t make the most of their independence in their youth.

However, the study also revealed that more than 1.6 million people who are currently married regret cheating on their partner and having an affair.