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‘I want him to die quickly: Daughter sparks debate over elderly dad

Jul 04, 2018

A daughter, whose father is declining, has sparked conversation.

There’s almost nothing more unsettling than watching yours parents suffer, and one concerned daughter, whose father is painfully declining, has sparked conversation after revealing she just wants it to be over “as soon as possible”.

The anonymous woman took to Gransnet to ask for advice from those who may have previously been in a similar position. Posting on the online forum, she wrote: “My dad is 96. He has always been in control of his life, but just recently he has found he cannot stand, walk, even turn in bed without help. He wants to die.”

The daughter went on to explain: “He lives in a care home with my mum, but she is in a different unit because she has dementia and he seems quite happy not to see her at all. He wants to remember her how she was.”

She says in the last four weeks he has “gone downhill massively” and “he now has to stay in bed which he hates”.

She added: “[The nurse] made me feel guilty by asking me why he wants to die and I felt like saying ‘isn’t it obvious’ – he has lost all control of his life. I just want it to be over as soon as possible, but feel guilty still.”

Readers replied with the own experiences — one commentator said she felt the same, explaining: “Don’t feel guilty. I felt just the same when my mother’s end of life dragged on. A peaceful end is obviously what we all hope for our loved ones so don’t be hard on yourself.”

Another added: “You shouldn’t feel bad at all. When someone’s quality of life is so poor, when they are miserable and uncomfortable or in pain, have just had enough and want it all to be over, why would anyone who loves them want their life prolonged?”

It’s not the first time this sensitive issue has come up. Euthanasia was thrown into the spotlight in 2017 when Victoria legalised assisted dying for the terminally ill.

More recently, Australian scientist Dr David Goodall captured the world’s attention after he chose to end his life at the age of 104 through assisted suicide. He travelled to the Life Circle clinic in Basal, Switzerland in May and died surrounded by his loved ones, on his own terms.

Goodall, who had no terminal illness but had said that he felt he had lived longer than he wished, tried to take his own life at least three times before seeking pro-euthanasia group Exit International’s practical assistance.

“At my age, or less than my age, one wants to be free to choose the death when the death is at an appropriate time,” Goodall reportedly said prior to attending the clinic. “My abilities have been in decline over the past year or two, my eyesight over the past six years. I no longer want to continue life.”

Before he died, Goodall lamented the fact that he could not die in his home country and remained an advocate for voluntary euthanasia until the end.

If you feel depressed or need to talk to someone, Lifeline is available 24 hours a day on 13 11 14 or at lifeline.org.au. You can also call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636.