‘I’m an independent woman and my boyfriend, 61, is too generous’

When it comes to relationships, money and wealth can often play a big role in the dynamic between partners. For people with a lot of cash to splash, they often enjoy spoiling a loved one who may not have as much money. There are also people who purposely seek wealthy partners for a range of different reasons.

While we often hear stories in the media about people taking advantage of their partners for their money, one woman has taken to internet forum Reddit to say she doesn’t want her older partner to shower her with gifts and money. She also asked how to politely reject her new lover’s generosity without hurting his feelings. 

The anonymous lady, who is 51, explained she recently started dating a 61-year-old man who is better off than she is.

“How do I politely decline offers to buy me things/do expensive activities from by relatively new BF [boyfriend] without coming off as rude?” she asked.

The woman detailed how her new partner is in a much better financial position than she is and that she feels uncomfortable by some of the comments he makes – particularly when money is involved. 

Read more: Female Boomers struggling with money after divorce

“I just recently started dating someone who is much more well off financially than I am, and his comments in conversations have started to trend towards things he can do for me such as projects around my house, go shopping and buy me things,” she said. “It’s still very early in our relationship and I don’t want to be beholden to someone and don’t want to take advantage of his niceness or feel like I have to ‘owe’ him anything.”

She said the pair had only been seeing each other for a week and that she is still getting to know the new man in her life.

“I like him but we’ve only been dating for a week, and we’re still getting to know each other,” she said. “I’m just not that invested yet. What can I say to him to sort of say…’Let’s hold up now…we’re not a ‘WE’ thing yet’.”

Others who had been in similar situations were quick to offer advice to the woman.

One person suggested she say: “Thanks for the offer but I value my independence more than any material goods. I just want your companionship. If you give me that then that’s all I need”.

Another comment read: “Some men like to feel and be seen as a ‘provider’. I think with guys his age, they are trying to fulfil some generational concept that his value in relationships is to take care of his woman and/or family”.

A third added: “You could say thinks like, ‘let’s not get ahead of ourselves’, ‘that’s moving a bit too fast for me’, ‘that’s very nice of you to offer but for now, at least, let’s enjoy each other’s company’”.

What do you think? Have you ever been in this situation? Should money ever play a role in a relationship?