One gran has been left “stunned and upset” after revealing her son and daughter-in-law, who are expecting twins, announced they don’t want any visitors for the first week or so once the twins are born.
Writing to The Washington’s Post advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, the heartbroken gran wrote: “I have helped with other grandchildren and assumed the same help would be welcomed with these babies. My son is a twin so I am fully aware of the need for extra help.”
The woman said both she and her husband share a happy relationship with them and live nearby, hence the hurt she feels over their decision. However, her daughter-in-law, who also has older children from a previous relationship, said she didn’t want her own family to come and help either, as she’s always had an “interesting” relationship with her mum.
“I was stunned and upset — it is so unlike my son and we’ve always been close,” she wrote.
The gran, however, who slowly had to come to terms with the upsetting decision, said her daughter-in-law just learned she needs a C-section and her oldest just had surgery, adding she’s not sure how to respond if the call for help comes, after initially being told to keep their distance.
“We now don’t know how to respond if the call for help should come, which I have a feeling it will,” she explained. “My husband says an apology is needed first. How do you suggest we handle this?”
Carolyn has advised the woman not to take it personally, adding the decision probably made sense to her daughter-in-law since she has been through the newborn experience before.
“She’s not a rookie parent, so it probably made sense to her,” she wrote. “And it is reasonable even for new parents without “interesting” family issues to take time to bond.”
Carolyn added her chances of remaining close to her son and daughter-in-law “absolutely spike if you just respect choices and help without grudges when called”.
Sadly it’s not uncommon for grandparents to be told to stay away. Unfortunately, grandparents don’t have an automatic right to see their grandkids, and after many failed attempts to resolve the situation it can become quite distressing if their wishes to see the little ones grow up are denied.