Does what people think about you really matter?

“What would the neighbours think?” is phrase more than a few have heard in our lifetimes.  To some public perception means more than their personal reality.  They need to have the big boat or renovate their house so that everything looks a million bucks while their bank account shows way less than that million.

There is a stereotype that as a person advances in age the stock they take in other’s opinions drop.  Does it?  Is it that the older a person gets they care less or understand themselves more?

Dr. Fredric Neuman, Director of the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Centre in the United States, wrote in  Psychology Today that “the way people feel about themselves is formed during the time of growing up, by the way, their parents—or other close family members—felt about them and treated them during that time.”  If a person is easily influenced by what a stranger may think of them, they may have had a childhood of harsh scrutiny.  If someone is unaffected by the criticism of others than a strong sense of belief in themselves was established at a younger age.

No matter what your childhood was like being overly criticised by a neighbour, co-worker, friend, or family member can be hard, but their opinions may be more a reflection of how they see themselves than how they see you.  As Dr Neuman states “It is important not to measure yourself by the standards of other people.” 

Some people’s opinions may carry more weight than others of course.  If your partner thinks you need a haircut you are more likely to take that on board than some random stranger; though if a stranger is commenting on your hair that says way more about them.

If you do find yourself in a constant state of anxiety because of other’s perception of you there tips you can use to change that.  In an article published in the Huffington Post, psychotherapist Dr Gary Trosclair says that you must decide what is truly important to you, remind yourself of it constantly, and don’t let critical people interfere with it.  Another suggestion is to find an inspirational figure, whether a character from literature, film or a real person that faced and overcame challenges that are relatable to you.  This trick gives you an image to keep in your head when you meet your challenges.

Perhaps the concept that a “person of a certain vintage” cares less about what people perceive of them comes less from a place of criticism and more from a place of hope.  A hope that there will be a time that we all believe in ourselves and the world we carved out.  It’s a nice thought to have.

How do you feel about other people’s perception of you?  What tips would you give someone overly concerned with what other people think?