Relationships

‘I’m totally disinterested in my grandkids but I’m supposed to adore them’

Aug 11, 2018

A gran admitted she has never felt maternal. (Picture posed by model).

A grandmother has sparked major debate after admitting she’s “totally disinterested” in her grandchildren and doesn’t want anything to do with them.

While many mothers may struggle with feeling maternal after having a child, whether they keep their emotions secret or not, it can change when they go on to welcome grandchildren. However, for one gran, those feelings have only worsened as she welcomes another generation to the family.

Writing on grandparenting forum Gransnet, the woman said she had always found being a mother “hard and unenjoyable” and now worries she’ll never bond with her grandkids either.

“I’m totally disinterested in my grandchild, I love her but if I only got to see her once or twice a year it would suit me,” she explained. “I found being a mum to young children hard and unenjoyable and I can’t shake those feelings now I’ve a 3 yr old grandchild.”

While she said she’s tried to express her love to her grandchild, she’s been unable to actually feel it. Now, she rarely sees the youngster, and her husband hasn’t set eyes on her for nine months.

“I feel bad to feel this way I love my daughter also but I just feel it done the young kids (sic) I don’t want anything to do with them again, but of course I do do,” she added. “It isn’t something you voice to anyone because hey we’re all meant to adore them.”

It got a very mixed response from other grandparents, and while some showed huge support for her and admitted not everyone shares ‘expected’ maternal feelings, others were astonished by her admission.

“I don’t see a problem, visit your daughter as you choose and have as little interaction with your granddaughter as you choose,” one wrote. “I really can’t relate to all the gushing granny’s seem to do or their needs. We’re all different and that’s a good thing imo.”

Another agreed, adding: “I had a granny much like you… I can’t say it did me any harm. Cards were sent and the odd visit and things were always cordial, she was always pleasant to me.”

However, others were shocked by her use of the words “hard and unenjoyable” and one gran wrote: “Can she sense your cool attitude? How hurtful could that be to an enthusiastic and trusting three year old? I feel very sad for both of you and for what you are missing.”

Another added: “If you found being a mother ‘hard and enjoyable’ then there’s not much chance of you enjoying a grandchild.”

And one wrote: “I also feel terribly sad for your granddaughter too, the relationship with a grandparent is so very different from being a parent. I think keeping in contact is the essential thing. Perhaps you will feel differently when she is older.”