Woman ‘gobsmacked’ as dad, 64, finds love 18 months after wife’s death

Watching a parent grieve their spouse can be heartbreaking for any family, with many taking years to come to terms with their loss. However, while some struggle to ever truly move on, others seek comfort in another love faster than expected. 

Now, one woman has revealed how she was left “gobsmacked” when her 64-year-old widowed dad found love just 18 months after her mother passed away – adding weight to an ongoing debate over just when it’s right to move on, and begging the question: How soon is too soon?

Writing to The Sun newspaper’s advice column Dear Deidre, the woman shared her fears for the whole family – including her father’s six grandchildren – worrying his new love could hurt them and their memories of their grandmother.

She explained her fears came to a head recently when her dad invited them to his engagement dinner with his new partner, despite her only meeting the woman once before.

“Mum died 18 months ago. Dad is 64. They were married for 37 years and have six grandchildren. It’s hard to get my head around this,” she wrote. “I’m 36 and married, with three kids. I feel Dad is trying to replace Mum. I worry, too, about how all the grandkids will react. They were really close to their grandma.”

Read more: From death to divorce, how grief can take many forms

She pleaded for answers, asking whether she should pretend to be happy for her dad, or explain her worries and risk a family rift so soon after their mother’s passing.

Deidre immediately urged her to stay close to her father and try to separate his new partner from her memory of her mother, in what was likely a surprising response for the woman.

Explaining that losing a wife can be very different to losing a grandmother, she went on to insist that her father likely missed the companionship of a partner, and wanted to find that happiness again.

There are countless ways different people deal with grief, and Starts at 60 readers previously shared their own views on whether there should be a timeframe on moving on and letting go of a lost love.

One reader insisted there should be no set rules, and said: “You don’t ‘get over it’ or ‘move on’, you just find, eventually, a new normal. Grief doesn’t have to be caused by death, unwanted changes are a cause of grief too. And no one else has the right to tell you how you should be.”

Another reader agreed and said: “I think everyone grieves in a different way. Some just get up and carry on, others take years.”

Psychiatrist Ralph Ryback revealed there are endless ways people can handle or even show signs of grieving, and writing for Psychology Today, he explained: “Grief can manifest itself in the form of immense emotional and physical suffering, and we may experience anything from anger to denial, to guilt, to sadness and despair.”

Have you lost a spouse, or watched a parent struggle with their grief after losing a partner? Do you think there should be a timeframe on moving on?