Can there be sex without love?

It’s an age-old question, isn’t it? Do you have to love someone to have sex with them? A better question sometimes, though, especially if you have been in the relationship for a long time, would be: Does having sex still mean you’re in love?

If folks are honest with themselves, the base reason you like sex at all is that it feels good. That could be said for most animals, except those with the painful genitalia; we’re looking at you lions. While some species have sex simply for procreation and don’t get any enjoyment out of it, there are some animals that do it for the fun. Where humans get the added advantage is that we can bring more thought and emotion into it.

The point is though if you ask people who are in a long-term loving relationship if sex means love they will say “Of course not”. Being in love is about a lot more than physical intimacy there is also emotional intimacy. There’s sharing a life, or creating a bond. Sex is part of it, of course, especially if they have children, but it’s not love.

While both genders can love with the same passion and love that passion sex expert James Houran, PhD states in his article some surprising lessons he’s learned about men and women.

“While men are known for their ability to readily separate love and sex, their most erotic experiences actually take place within a relationship, with the emotional component heightening the experience.

Women are likelier to report feelings of love if they are sexually involved with a partner than not. They are also more likely to associate sexual activity with love more than are men.  

Men hold more romantic views of male-female relations than do women. They also tend to fall in love earlier in relationships and show more brain activity than women in regions associated with visual processing, especially the face. Such a reaction may enhance a man’s ability to fall in love and explaining why he generally falls in love faster than females.

Men tend to cling longer to a dying love affair than do women, e.g., three times as many men as women commit suicide after a soured love affair.” 

While some people will tell you your relationship is dead because you aren’t having enough sex unless your partner is complaining than there isn’t a problem. Intimacy is about the connection between two people, and that is love. The sex part is the fun you get to have whether you are in love or just in lust.

Do you believe that you have to be love to have sex? Is it possible to have one without the other?