Woman explains how getting HIV from her husband fixed their marriage

A US woman has given an extraordinary interview, in which she explains how she’s forgiven her husband for a betrayal so huge it’s hard to comprehend – he gave her HIV after having sex with men throughout much of their 24-year marriage. 

Barbera Aimes, 59, told The Sun in an exclusive interview that she and her husband John, 55, were now happier than ever, and even partly blames herself for the “dysfunction” in their relationship that she believes forced him into regular visits to gay bathhouses.

Barbera told the British tabloid that she now wanted other people to look at their own relationships and see if they are unconsciously creating problems that could be avoided. “My purpose in going public with this story is to help people move their circumstances, and see it as a gift,” she said. “We all have these circumstances. I see it as a gift. I’ve even coined a turn for it. I call it a supernova moment. When we shift the way we look at things, we really come into our own power.”

The detail of Barbera and John’s story is available here but in short, Barbera was diagnosed with HIV in 2011 after suffering a persistent cold. John was tested and found to also have HIV, something Barbera originally blamed herself for because she thought she could have contracted it during the 1980s from dabbling with drugs. But, just as the couple were on the brink of divorce, John came clean over his affairs with men, which he started having just six months into their marriage.

Barbera still blames herself somewhat for their situation, saying that it’s not usual for straight men to visit gay saunas, and that although the couple were having sex throughout their marriage, it was “perfunctory”. “He loved the attention,” she says of what John got from his extramarital relations. “He was not getting anything from me.”

John’s decision to tell the truth helped her see him in a new light, she said. “He was beyond sorry. Can you imagine the courage it took for him to tell me that?” Barbera asks. “For the first time I saw this guy, he was the guy I married. He was so contrite. He was like a guy waking up form a horrible nightmare.”

After intensive counselling, the couple decided to remain together and now Barbera has decided, with John’s permission, to tell their story as part of the Million Person Project, in which ‘ordinary’ people share their experiences in the hope of creating change in the world. Barbera, a business coach from Boulder, Colorado, wants to raise awareness of HIV/Aids.

Do you think your relationship could recover from this kind of blow? Do you think Barbara Aimes is right to forgive her husband?