Ramblings of a lost and found soul

Ramblings of a lost and found soul

My belief in trust and honesty is forever lost;

Oh! It came at such a huge cost,

The colours of my world are not as bright;

I seem to have shrunk – I’ve lost my light.

I am with people, a big happy crowd;

I am alone in my bubble I float on a cloud.

They love me I know, they really do care;

I’m told my life is ahead, put one foot on the stair.

Follow with another step, hold onto the rail;

I try to be strong and composed, but I fail.

I am so afraid of what is going to be;

I cry my tears in private, so no one can see.

Fragile, I feel I will break into small bits;

impossible to put back together as nothing fits.

So I try so very hard to be normal and smile;

will I ever forgive the duplicity and guile?

No! For love and trust is not for sale;

it cannot be carried around in a dirty old pail.

It is inside you, alive and it can hurt;

especially when it’s torn out of you and thrown in the dirt.

They say hope is eternal but mine has died;

I look to my guardian angel to be my guide,

He has never left me, he is forever there;

inseparable as children, we were a troublesome pair.

I feel another has joined him to watch over me;

Father and son together, with love as their fee.

Together they are whispering messages hope;

trying so very hard to help me cope.

I talk to them at night, as I lay in my bed;

I had asked to join them, the time is not right, they said.

So I am here trying to rebuild a life;

I am on my own, no longer a wife.

Inside me, my heart weeps with every beat;

getting on with life, not accepting defeat.

I don’t know if I can do it, but for family I try;

I sit on the sidelines and watch life flow by.

I am that old lady walking down the street;

or sitting down to rest, alone on a seat.

We all pass her by and sometimes we think;

could that be me, is that my future? And then we blink.

No! Everyone thinks they know what their future holds;

I hope for them it goes to plan, as their life unfolds.

I would never wish for anyone to feel my pain;

it is always there, it will not go away, nor will it wane.

And so I get on with a life that is now mine;

my tears and grief inside a silent mime

Who am I? I am no longer whole, the real me I hide;

but the other me has a role, and I have my pride.

It is to grin and be happy, join in with the fun;

laughing and gay, as bright as the sun.

I get so much pleasure when I make others smile;

I want light, colour, happiness, I want me back, I want my style.

I hold my arms out to accept my new life with grace;

my small body stands tall and I turn to face.

A future so new, I just have to reach out and take hold;

of this new life as it passes by, I have to be bold.

I cannot change my past, but my future it is so new;

like waking in the morning and seeing the dew.

Which way do I go, what path do I choose;

there are so many possibilities I cannot lose.

Only positive words exist for me now;

I stand and face everyone, look them in the eye, and I bow.

For I know that I am beautiful, both inside and out;

I know who I am without a doubt.

I am a survivor, it has taken me this long;

to realise that there is somewhere I belong.

So I say in closing to my family and friends, I love you dearly;

you were there for me, you guided me and helped me see clearly.

Life is a wonderful gift, live to it’s fullest and try my best;

showing them all, I am back, laughing and loving, so full of zest.

It is my time now, taking charge, showing all who I am;

I can do what I want, when I want & how I want, no need for a man.

I am stronger than I thought I could ever be;

Independent, successful & happy, this is the new ME!

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Thank you to Marie for sending this in.