Falling in love comes easily for some, but for others, it can be a once in a lifetime thing… or it can never happen.
For me, I have never properly been in love. It’s a bit of a strange thing to admit. You might be reading this and think straight away I am a man hater or I just didn’t give it a chance but believe me, I did. I actually didn’t ever give up on love but recently I’ve been thinking about whether there really is ‘the one’ out there for everyone.
As a twenty-something, I watched my friends and other family members get married and fall in love. Sure, there were divorces, but even my four-time married sister managed to find a partner over and over again! I have 4 sisters so it was always frustrating to go along to their weddings or even just a social occasion and be asked: “So honey, where’s your man?” or have someone try to set me up. I did have boyfriends but they never stuck around long enough to be ‘the one’.
In my early 30s, I met the man of my dreams, or so I thought. He was tall, dark and handsome, but there was something off about him. I remember saying to myself “He’s amazing” and a little voice in my head saying “He’s not the one”. I shook off any doubts and we got married in 1984. All my sisters and their partners had been blubbering messes when it came to their speeches, but I was nonplussed. I almost wasn’t there that day… but I still thought we were madly in love.
It wasn’t until we had our twin boys that my husband showed his true colours and headed for the hills. When he left, I felt nothing but annoyance. I had to raise my babies on my own. Only through having my sons did I realise what true and unconditional love was, and I vowed never to allow another man to leave us. I had another partner and I loved his rough and tumble attitude. He was a fisherman and we would have the most fabulous fun times on his boat. He loved me dearly but still, there was that doubt. Sadly, he died two years after we met and my boys were devastated. He was a good man. Still, it wasn’t like I felt that he was the love of my life lost, I just kept searching.
Now, in my 60s, I’ve still not felt the deep and everlasting love I thought I would have had by this time. I wonder if others are in my situation where they have the inherent feeling that the love they’ve had before wasn’t the real deal? Maybe I’m just all alone! I don’t let it get to me, and rather try to think that my boys are my soulmates, split in two.
I would be swept off my feet if a lovely older gentleman turned out to be the one…. but I guess I’ll have to wait and see.
Have you ever been in this situation? Do you think perhaps you have never been in love properly?