I’m leaving my family for an old flame

I lost my husband to a heart attack earlier this year. While my kids are still mourning the death of

I lost my husband to a heart attack earlier this year. While my kids are still mourning the death of their father, I can’t help but to be relieved that he is dead.

To be honest, I hated life with him. He was just so demanding and was never affectionate with me or the kids. With him, it was all about what he was going to have for dinner every night, whether I had pressed his shirts and what I would be making for afternoon tea. I was practically his maid.

So the minute he dropped, I felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, I am free from the clutches of this controlling and selfish man.

I wasn’t really looking for new love or to get involved with anyone but somehow, I ended up bumping into my ex-boyfriend. We were madly in love during the late ’70s to early ’80s; we were both in our early twenties. He is my old flame, the one who got away as I would always put it. I can’t even remember why we parted ways but one thing for sure, were did not see each other until that fateful day when I went to the city to pick up my reading glasses.

He approached me in front of a bank and I instantly recognised him. We decided to go to a small cafe to catch up and learn about those times we had been apart. Old feelings came rushing again and as fate would have it, he had also recently lost his wife.

Now, my old boyfriend wants to get our relationship back on track but with one condition – we move to London. He supposedly owns a business there and is planning to move up to the UK and has invited me to uproot and come along.

And I’ve decided to sell everything I have so I can go with him but my kids are objecting. I don’t have much except for the house my late husband left me, his pension and my jewellery.

They say that it’s risky to drop everything for a man I have not seen for years but I think this is my final chance to get my life back and live however I want. I spent more than 40 years with a husband that did not treat me with love and affection, because I wanted the kids to have a father and their parents under one roof.

I’ve also consulted with some friends and everyone is divided about this. Some of them say that I should not be so easy to believe a man I have not seen for a long time as his feelings might not be the same and he even might be trying to con me. But my other friends say that I will never know unless I take this leap of faith and do it. After all, love can last for eternity and why shouldn’t have this one?

I think I deserve this part of my life to do what I feel is best for me.
What do you think I should do?

Would you ever take a chance like this?

From the words of Deborah S.

  1. Che Blunden  

    Go by all means. But put your assets somewhere safe.
    Have a “get home plan” in case it goes to pot. Do that and then relax and enjoy. I would.

  2. John Grech  

    rent your house out to one of the kids or just rent to anyone,,and take a long holiday to the UK and check it out. Cant hurt can it? u havent burned any bridges then,,

    • Susan Gabriel.  

      That’s perhaps a better plan of John Grech.

  3. Pam hastie  

    Def have a plan B. Go for a month or so, give it a test run! Never loose you independence and try not to fall into the same old routine of being his maid. Good luck!!

  4. Monica Stewart  

    Don,t rush into anything, rent your house and go over to stay with him by all means, as they say ” you don,t really know someone until you live with them”. If he really wants you he will give you time to adjust to a new life, I can understand your family,s worries as you are rushing into this, take your time and good luck.

  5. nola  

    I had a similar experience – married for 40 years, got divorced (alcoholic abuser) , rekindled with someone I met 40 years ago, and now have a friendship.
    I say to you, go for it but dont sell your house, rent it out or lock and leave for a month and see how it goes. You only live once and life is too short to be unloved and lonely.

  6. Gillian  

    Go for it! I agree with the others about not selling your home straight away – rent it and then you can always sell it later on. I had a similar experience – reconnected with a man I used to go out with over 30 years ago – we are now living happily together! Life is too short to not grab opportunities that are put in front of you.

  7. Elfa Lerae  

    When you wrote he, “supposedly” has a business there, that rang alarm bells. But what if you never did this and just carried on making everyone else happy and content while you did nothing and didnt have an adventure. It may not come to anything, but its still an adventure. And if it did work, even better. But to not do it just to satisfy everyone else is wrong. Isnt that whats been happening for 40 odd years? Do this for you. Regardless.

  8. Elaine Henderson  

    Go for it – but just watch your assets. Wish you all the best.

  9. Margaret Russell  

    They are right… keep your house and live with him in London but purchase a ticket to come back and leave it here in Australia maybe with a trusted friend – do NOT take it to London and don’t give it to the kids… then you’ve got a guaranteed escape plan if indeed your dreams evaporate… otherwise ENJOY the love as long as you both live!! Good luck!! 🙂

  10. Alan  

    Another guy’s point of view. I agree completely with other that have answered in that you must have a plan B in case things do not work out. Would seriously suggest renting and storing instead of selling everything. That way, you always have something to come back to. Other than that, go for it.

  11. Stephen  

    I was born in 1947 and re-began life about 18 months ago and I have no regrets. At our age the real decision is what do you want, a fleeting chance to at last be loved that at the worse could end up in heart break and financial ruin, or never knowing if you could ever be loved. So you could end up back home feeling an absolute idiot, or you could end your days in love and security and warmth of heart. If you feel to not sell the house, but rent it under the kids management (it’s their inheritance) until you are absolutely sure and he doesn’t like that, then you are right to question why, and I would then consider stepping back; but if he is open to letting your kids have what is essentially theirs in the long term anyway, then go for it. Half your luck, there’s a lady from 1969/70 I would love to bump into.

    • Mary  

      It’s not the children’s inheritance until (and if) she has left it to them in her will. Unfortunately she may need to sell the house to pay for her airfare. I hope it works out as life is too short. All the same be careful

  12. Life can throw so many curve balls at you. I changed my life after many many sad years. I met a man online and he asked me to live with him. I lived in Gosford and he lived in Geelong. Even though it’s not the massive distance you would be moving to, I also had to leave my home, family and friends. I took the risk but kept my house that I rented to my daughter. After two years when I knew I had made the correct decision I then sold my house. I suggest you do the same. By the time two years is over you will know in your heart that everything is right. But if it doesn’t work out as you had hoped, you have somewhere of your own to return to. I wish you all the very best and hope you end up as happy as I am.

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