Money can sweeten the chuckles

A man in a finely tailored suit walks into the main branch of an inner Sydney bank. He walked up the counter and asked about getting a small loan. The teller sent him over to the loan officer.

“I would like to get a small loan for $5,000 please,” said the man.

The loan officer smiled, “That shouldn’t be a problem, sir, but we do require security for a small loan.”

“That’s no problem,” said the man as he tossed a set of keys on the desk. “I have a brand new $156,000 Acura NSX twin-turbo hybrid car sitting outside your branch right now. Will that do?” the man asked with a grin.

The loan officer processed the loan, and the man walked out with the $5,000 bank cheque. A week later the man walked back into the bank with another fantastic suit and paid back the loan in full including the $13 of interest.

The loan officer just had to know, “Sir, thank you for your business, and I hope you don’t mind but when I did some background check on you I see that you are a multi-millionaire. Can I ask why you needed the loan?”

The man smiled as he took his car keys back from the loan officer and tossed the keys into the air. As they landed back in his hand, he quipped “How else could you park in this city for a week for only $13?”

An eccentric business person passed away just shy of his 104th Birthday, and his three principal advisors were called to his home to watch his video will. The advisors were his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer.

As they sat down in their former boss’ office, a servant pressed play on a video and left. The video turned on, and the business person’s face filled the screen.

“If you are watching this, then I’m dead. That’s a bummer. I bet the butler a million dollars I would live forever. Nice one, James. Anyway, I’ve made sure that my kids, my wife, the business are all set, but there is $3 million in my fun personal account that I don’t want anyone to have. I want it to come with me. There are three cases in front of you filled with cash and I want you three to place the money in my casket as they put it in the ground.”

The video cut out and without speaking the men take their respective cases and leave. After the funeral, they are at the wake having a drink in memory of their old boss. Shifting in his seat, the priest finals blurts out “I only put $2.9 million in the casket. The church needed a new organ, and I just thought it would be okay.”

The doctor let out a sigh. “Oh thank you for saying that. I only put $800,000 in the casket as I donated the rest in his name because the children’s hospital needed some new equipment.”

The lawyer just shook his head. “You selfish brutes,” he said, “I can’t believe you would do such a thing.” He pulled something out of his jacket pocket. “See,” he exclaimed, “I wrote a cheque for the entire amount!”

Are you enjoying our specially-crafted humour? What would you do if you had $3 million in a briefcase?