How this husband got banned from Woolies

This woman’s husband got banned from Woolies. The reasons why are brilliant. Dear Mrs Smith: Over the past six months,

This woman’s husband got banned from Woolies. The reasons why are brilliant.

Dear Mrs Smith:

Over the past six months, your husband Gary has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviour and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are currently attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr Smith have been compiled and are listed below.

Complaint Department

MEMO Re: Mr Smith – Complaints – Things Mr Gary Smith has done while his wife was shopping:

  1. November 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
  2. November 23: Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  3. December 10: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
  4. January 10: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by.
  5. March 5: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he threw himself down on the floor, began to cry and wailed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone’?
  6. March 26: Look right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
  7. April 15: Darted around the store, looking around suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
  8. July 12: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, ‘NO! NO! Sheila! It’s those voices again’!

If you want to read some other great jokes, click here. Or to submit one of your own to share with the Starts at 60 community, click here.

Originally published here

  1. My wife ( 75) got one of the condoms…took me all night to get it on….

  2. I know one thing for sure. Woolworths don’t like you trying their condoms on before you buy. They don’t seem to care about comfort or correct sizing.

  3. No sampling or trying out in the fitting rooms, they have cameras there too, in fact have doubled up security in that department!!! 🙂

    • Excuse me Peter Peter Gillanders I hope you are not referring to me as being a small sample size, you know nothing about me. Jackie Holland I have a very good sense of humour, just because I did not find this funny means nothing what so ever.

  4. It’s amusing….but I’ve seen it several times before, usually referring to getting banned from American store chains.

    Indeed, I’d like to think that Australian stores would have a better sense of humour and actually encourage him!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *