Even your pets can crack you up

Alice loved it when the baby grandkids came over. She would gush as they got into things they weren’t supposed to, destroyed things, and made a mess. Tom loved the kids but wasn’t as thrilled with the mess.

One Sunday after the grandkids had left they were cleaning the house and Alice seemed sad.

“What’s wrong, doll? Tom asked.

“I just miss the pitter-patter of tiny feet around the house,” Alice said as she wiped a single tear from her eye.

Tom never liked to see his darling wife upset so he thought he would cheer her up. One afternoon when she came home from coffee with friends a tiny puppy ran up to her. She beamed as she cuddled the puppy and Tom came smiling around the corner.

“Did you get a puppy, Tom?” she asked.

“Yeah, I thought while it’s not a baby, it’ll still get into things it’s not supposed to, destroy things, and make a mess. Plus, you get double the pitter-patter as it has more feet.” Tom said.

In the dead of the night, a masked burglar broke into The Johnson’s house while they were away for the evening. As the thief stalked through the house, he heard a whispered voice saying “Jesus is watching you.” A little freaked out, the burglar looked around and saw no one. Thinking it was his imagination, he moved on.

As he was pulling the cables off the TV to get ready to load it into his car he heard it again, “Jesus is watching you.” Being raised by a stern Catholic mother, the burglar started to get nervous. He turned slowly to see a bird cage behind him with a parrot looking at him. The parrot cocked its head and said: “Jesus is watching you.”

Relieved the burglar said, “Are you the one talking to me?”

“Yup,” said the parrot.

“What’s your name?” the burglar said.

“Jeff” chirped the parrot.

The burglar scoffed, “What kind of idiot names a parrot Jeff?”

Jeff squawked and then said, “The same idiot that names their vicious guard dog Jesus.”