A compilation of short jokes

Kick start your morning with these 14 short jokes. This close to Easter we can certainly relate to number 6!

1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
2. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
3. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
4. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 25 years in a row.
5. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
6. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
7. Old age is coming at a really bad time.
8. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as an old fart, it feels like a small vacation.
9. The biggest lie I keep telling myself is,”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
10. I don’t have grey hair; I have “wisdom highlights.” I’m just very wise.
11. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
12. Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
13. Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
14. At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I went in there for.

Which one can you relate to?

*Have a joke or funny story to share? Submit them here. 

*Thanks to Russell for sharing these jokes!