Do you find it easier to love your grandkids than your own children?

I was talking to my mother a few weeks ago and there was something she said that had me thinking: she

I was talking to my mother a few weeks ago and there was something she said that had me thinking: she said she found it easier to love her grandchildren than her own. I was standing there and she just said it! But in all honesty, it makes sense.

She expanded on what she meant and after the initial shock, I think there are a lot of grandparents who can agree.

When my mum had her first child, she was 19. Back then, a lot of her friends had babies in their late teens and early 20s, and it was the done thing. But she had no money and it was very, very difficult. Her and my father had to take turns working on their farm and they suffered through droughts.

It wasn’t a happy time for her, but she made the most of it. My mother got pregnant five more times whilst on that farm, and we’d generally take care of ourselves. It was what it was like for everyone in the 50s, says my mum. She and her friends barely had time to see each other, and she felt deeply regretful for not being able to spend as much time playing and teaching us as she could have. She was just trying to give us a good life.

Fast forward to me now and my mother loves her grandchildren like you wouldn’t believe. It’s almost like watching stranger interact with your kids, but in a very pleasant way – she’s just nothing like the mother I knew. That tired, hard working mum I knew all those years. Now she’s relaxed, carefree and has boundless energy.

And when she explained why loving her grandchildren was easier than loving her own children, she said it was a different love. It wasn’t able to be compared because she loved her six kids, but always felt like that part of her that wasn’t attentive or always kind was ingrained in them. She just is able to express her love more openly through her grandchildren.

Couple that with that rosy view she and all other grandparents have of their grandchildren, and you don’t feel that overwhelming pressure to be the perfect parent. You are, to put it bluntly, relieved of the pressure to perform every day, and that any little thing you say or do will have an impact in the same way a parent’s does.


So I want to know what you think: Did you feel it was easier to love your grandkids that your own children?

  1. As a grandmother I believe my love is my kids my love is enduring an in admiration. Where grandkids its nurturing and caring. Different kinds but no difference in giving it

  2. My personal revelation was the day I realized I loved my husband more than my children. When the children were young a friend said she loved her husband more than her children. My close friend and I were totally astounded. How could anybody love anybody else more than their own kids? Well, the years go by, the kids grow up and leave to live their own lives and the husband gets older, more skin cancers and less hair and as I was looking at the patchwork of stitches covering the latest hole in his head where cancer used to be I was suddenly overwhelmed with love. Here we are, battered and worn like a couple of old vehicles which have done many hard miles and now we are more, not less, valuable to each other than we’ve ever been.

    • Same here Leone, every time my husband has a cancer to be removed I live in fear this one will be a bad one. He has hollows and bumps all over his face, ears and neck from their removal

    • Well said Leone….starts off with so much love for each other then along come the kids and in a different way the kids are the ones full of our love…they grow up and move on and there you both are full of battle scars and many obstacles overcome and back to the beginning with each other to rely on and love…… husband passed away 3 years ago.

    • So sorry Jan. It is a fear I carry now more than ever. We have recently saved a 6 mth old Lab cross from the pound and, much as I didn’t want another dog (he did) I think that once we get through the chewing everything up stage at least whoever of us is left behind will still have her to live for.

    • I think that is beautiful Leone, I can’t say the same because I don’t have a husband..however I do lov my bird.. he is at home still haha he is not old enough yet to move out 🙂

    • I think people need to give love more than to receive love. Imagine Libbi if you didn’t have a living creature to give your love to.

    • Beautiful and very true. I love my kids and grandkids but my husband is always there and we do so much together. Along with our fur babies they are my life now as our human family have their own lives as they should. Although very loving and caring they have a life as we did and although we are always there to help we wouldnt expect them to be any other way. Yep 38 years together and still love him even though he can get me angrier than anyone else I know 😊

    • Beautiful… are blessed to have that special one beside you. There are lots of us who have loved n lost!

    • I dont think i would say i love my grandkids more than my own children its a different kind of love. Nothing can compare the love you feel giving birth & holding that precious little bundle in your arms for the first time. As grandparents you have more time to put into your grandkids & you get to hand them back to their parents whereas with your own children its just go go go & hardly time to yourself & hubby.

    • Beautiful sentiments Leonie, but maybe your children (and grandchildren?) run a close second 🌸

    • I loved your post Leone, I think my love for my husband and children (and grandchildren) has been equally shared over the years, but in the ordinariness and busyness of life, children need so much time, love and attention, that the love for one’s partner goes on the back burner. Then it seems almost overnight it’s just the two of you again and you realise that the love you have for this person is as strong as it ever was, but rather than the spark of young love, it’s the dependable solid flame that has stood the test of time. My husband and I have been married 45 years and age, time and life in general hasn’t dimmed our love for each other, and now we have the joy and happiness of watching our children, and their children going through the same cycle. 💞

  3. There is an old Welsh saying..
    ‘One doesn’t know perfect love..
    Until the first Grandchild’
    True for me ♥

  4. For most Grandparents there are not the financial struggles with Grandkids that you may have had with your own kids. I remember the frustration of new clothes torn or stained, my boys had a couple of years each where they out grew winter clothes and needed new sets as winter drew towards its end. I don’t think I loved them less than my grandchild but there are none of those feelings of frustration now I had with the boys and finding money for all they needed, I can now afford to sit back and spoil the grandchild if she grows out of clothes, breaks the unbreakable, gets into strife yet again, not my problem

  5. When I was first married I couldn’t drive and had 2 small children. We had very little money, I was not very happy and my husband worked very long hours as we had our own business. Later we moved into our own home and I learned to drive. I went to parenting classes where I learned to parent my children in a better way. I enjoyed my children so much more.

  6. When I see the love that my boys have for their children it fills my heart with joy. It is a different kind of love for the grandies, more relaxed and less stressful than raising their parents was.

  7. I’m sorry I don’t believe you can compare the love of your spouse to your children or your Grandchildren, we love each in many different ways. I agree that we no longer have the pressure of educating, clothing, feeding and still have enough to pay all the bills, therefore we can go out of our way to spoil the Grand children and that does not necessarily mean in monetary value because many of us don’t have a lot of money to do that. There are many ways other ways we can spoil and enjoy our Grandkids.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *