Dear new wife of my ex: There’s a few things you should know….

My husband recently got remarried and I felt compelled to write a letter to this new woman, telling her everything

My husband recently got remarried and I felt compelled to write a letter to this new woman, telling her everything she needs to know about the man I was also married to, once upon a time.

Here’s my letter:

Dear –new wife of my ex–,

Lesley and I divorced 9 years ago but were married for 38 years, and I think there’s a few things you should know.

I’m not sure what you’ve heard about our relationship but at least our divorce was amicable!

Les and I met when we were in our 20s and for some time, it was a great marriage. He was handsome, strong and affectionate, but I didn’t love him the same way he loved me. I looked at all the negatives I could instead of focusing on the great points about him, and over time he did it back to me. He said to me that I never seemed to feel safe, and perhaps it was because I was being criticised, but when I look back, it was me who was insecure. 

But I don’t regret those not-so-great aspects of our relationship because we matured together. It just turned out we weren’t meant to be together, but it took me a while to realise that and admit it. I wish people knew that you don’t necessarily find the love of your life when you’re younger, and you should wait to find the right person instead of trying to change that person into who you want them to be.

I’m guilty of doing that to Lesley. We were chatting a few months ago and he said that as we get older, our baggage stacks up, but with you he felt like he could let it all go. I think that’s a wonderful metaphor for relationships in general – it shouldn’t matter where you’re from, just who you are now, no matter your age.

If anything I’m grateful to Les for shaping me into who I am, so that I could meet my new partner.

And if we’re being honest here, he likes foot rubs, he doesn’t like biscuits as much as he says he does, and his favourite show is the Bold and the Beautiful!

I hope that your relationship is filled with passionate, understanding love, and also positivity. From what he tells me, you’re a perfect match. And as a former contender to be his perfect match, I couldn’t be happier that it’s you. When you know someone’s right for another, how could you be anything but?

All the very best.

Sincerely, Pam


Tell us, what would you say to your ex’s new partner if you could?

  1. HaHaha My ex remarried a couple or 3 years ago. I would have written to her new slave and told him to watch his wallet and bank balance as she bled me dry and nest egged many many thousands of dollars out of MY pay packet while generation ZERO income for the family. Poor bugger .

    • Oh dear. Money. My first husband was the meanest man on Earth. He earned nearly three times what I did. I Was a full time hard working primary school teacher. He made me pay 50/50 on every single thing. If he bought me a drink it would go on the account to be paid back at the end of the month. So I was broke while he lived a comfortable life. Our home was not a priority for him so nothing was spent on its upkeep. I could go on. The point is that if we drag our bitterness with us it poisons any hopes we have of starting again. I was angry for a long time. Peace

      • deardear evellen we must have had a gender swap i loathed my ex for a long time and was unhappy and angry but the lord smiles on me and i met my wife and i totally adore her its been the happiest time of my life but my ex is a lonley old woman living in a dogbox i am not glad about situation just sad

    • Jeanette Southam the thing is that we let it happen in the first place. I am a very strong woman but he had a charismatic personality and his domination was shrouded in a cloak of fake ” equality” it worked for him… He began to get violent around the time we got married. Didn’t like my family or me spending time with them. Classic controller. Isolate you then move in for the kill. Oh! That feels better! Thanks for listening. I am 63 and have been married for 29 years to another husband. Phew

    • Evellen Jackson I made the mistake of marrying a fellow Aussie overseas after a very quick romance. We moved back to his home town so I was isolated from family and friends. I did make friends there as I worked. In the end (with all this 50/50 business) I came home one night and said “it’s your money or your wife” – he didn’t answer, so I moved out. He was also quite charismatic – clicked his fingers to get my attention once so I told him in front of his friends that he had a marriage licence not a dog licence. I’m 64 and have been married for 33 years to another husband. Picked the exact opposite this time round 🙂

  2. Nothing. I say nothing. And I really like the wives. The one after me did phone me and say,’Why didn’t you tell me?’
    she never asked……

  3. I wouldn’t say anything, they have been together long enough for her to know everything about him ☺.

  4. Gee I don’t know I have never been in that position and don’t think I ever would and don’t think if I was in that position I would say anything, she has to find these things out herself living with him

  5. Why interfere? You belong in the past and need to focus on your own future. What must happen in that new marriage, will happen. You will not change the outcome.

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