Daughter vs daughter-in-law, damned if I do and damned if I don’t!

As the matriarch of the family, we have some important responsibilities. We bring the family together, we teach the family morals and values, we make sure everyone feels loved and most importantly, we teach the family to love one another.

Right now, I can’t help but feel like I’m failing at this and it comes down to one big problem – the daughter and the daughter-in-law. I’ll never get to the bottom of it, but one of my three daughters has a BIG problem with their brother’s wife. There’s been an unpleasant vibe there for a long time and I’ve never got to the bottom of why it even existed.

To be frank, I never really cared, until now.

Everything I do is scrutinised by both of them. If I babysit one’s children, the other scowls at how I’m simply being “used” by the other (despite the fact I babysit all of the grandkids fairly equally). Every birthday or Christmas when we swap gifts they will each privately tell me something negative about the gift I received from the other.

At family functions I sometimes feel like I am playing a game of tug of war tussling between the two of them – it’s like a competition of who can seem “closest” to me for the night. Thank god I enjoy the company of the grandkids!

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Then the fact one is an only child and one has siblings come into play. While my other daughters don’t have the same issues with her, they always side with their sister if there is reason to – leaving my daughter in law feeling rather alone. This makes her particularly bitter and so I do my best to be kind and caring for her.

The minute my girls catch wind of this I’m being put through the ringer! Accused of being disloyal, weak and petty.

I’m not one for in fighting. It’s never been an issue in my family but I’m simply sick of being pulled around in the middle of it all! I don’t understand it!

My daughter in law was raised in a very different family with very different values and somehow my daughter sees this as the worst thing possible. If I put aside my personal beliefs to agree with her or show empathy to her point of view on anything I’m in trouble from the other one!

I simply can’t win and all I’m trying to do is be a great mother and great mother in law all at once. I have the belief that when someone marries into the family, they become your family – regardless of whether it is through genetics and blood. My love is there for everyone in the family… Equally. That’s my principal and what I believe, but I’m starting to feel it is getting me in more trouble than I would like.

Today I’m keen to know, have you had the same struggles? Do your daughter and daughter in law have relationship problems? What has been your answer? Share your stories in the comments below…