25 of the best Christmas cracker jokes ever!

Are these the best Christmas cracker jokes ever? Feel free to add your own! 1. What do you call a

Are these the best Christmas cracker jokes ever? Feel free to add your own!

1. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?

A barberqueue

2. Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

3. What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

A stick

4. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose

5. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

“It’s Christmas Eve”

6. What did Snow White say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?

One day my prints will come

7. When do vampires like racing?

When it’s neck and neck

8. What do you give a dog for Christmas?

A mobile bone

9. Why did the pony have to gargle?

Because it was a little horse

10. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

He had no body to go with

11. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer

12. What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days

13. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy

14. What is the best Christmas present?

A broken drum, you can’t beat it!

15. What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?


16. What has four legs but can’t walk?

A table

17. What do you call a blind reindeer?

No eye deer

20. What’s round and bad tempered?

A vicious circle

21. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?


22. What did the sea Say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!

23. What do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonky donkey!

24. Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!

Mom: Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!

25. Who is Santa’s favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley!


  1. My Favourite from some years ago . Why wouldn’t the skeleton jump from the diving board. Because he didn’t have the guts. Pretty tame , but the French translation on the back involved GIBLETS. ..

  2. The funniest one we ever had was ” what do you call the black spots between an elephants toes ?”.
    ” pygmies who can’t run fast ”
    Maybe politically incorrect but we still chuckle over that one.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *