Fighting is inevitable. Whether you are disagreeing about the state of the political landscape or at loggerheads over who has ownership of the television remote, everyone does it.
However, it’s how you fight that will determine if your relationship is a-okay, slightly dented or completely damaged. At least that’s what a report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says.
Instead of trying to win every argument, the report says it would be far more beneficial if you simply said “I see where you are coming from”.
To come up with those seven magic words, researchers got couples to discuss those contentious issues and discovered that those couples who spent the majority of their time arguing about things were less satisfied with their relationship and felt their partner just didn’t ‘get them’.
Not knowing where your partner is coming from is at the heart of many conflicts, but trying to consider the viewpoint of your ‘opponent’ can help quickly resolve issues in any sphere.
In romantic relationships feeling that you are being understood by your partner has been shown to benefit the relationship. On a more global sense — consider situations in the workplace, with your family or friends, heck, you can even use it in your social media comments — you tend to experience a better quality relationship when you perceive you have been understood.
“I see where you are coming from” can subdue an argument because it removes blame, and while you might not want to admit you are wrong, being told something is your fault could be much worse. Those magic words also indicate to the person you are conversing with that you are actively listening to what they are saying.
That sounds like a win-win situation.