“Never idealise others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness”
– Leo F. Buscaglia
Reflections of ourselves
Relationships are the most significant and nourishing experiences of our lives if approached with an open mind and a compassionate heart.
Take a moment to reflect on an existing relationship which may be causing you distress. Although you share a common bond, there may possibly be a differing of opinions which warrants disagreement at times.
What particular aspect of that person gives rise to the conflict? Is it a behaviour, a certain quality or a general character flaw you find difficult to balance out? Don’t overanalyse the trait – simply become aware of it in your mind. Merely perceiving the other person’s indifference is sufficient to enhance your awareness of the issue.
Why do you have an aversion to that particular quality about them?
Let us consider the characteristic of arrogance as an example to work through in this instance. As you see it, the other person exudes an arrogance which you find less appealing at times. You feel the relationship would be more grounded in a formidable way if it weren’t for their conceited ways.
In previous articles, I stated that the universe maintains an intricate order. There are no accidents – nothing happens by chance; even a blade of grass is accounted for within the cosmos.
If we consider this idea, could it be conceivable that you co-created the experience of this person into your life in order to learn and grow? I affirm that it takes two to tango – furthermore, problems are always encountered at the level of the perceiver.
This person may be disguised in the form of a valuable experience directing your personal development. However, we may not be quite ready for the lesson just yet and so the troublesome experience will continue to persist.
You cannot maintain a relationship that is one-sided. That is, there can never be an over-supply of enriching moments within a relationship, since there would be little or no inner growth. Relationship challenges expose the cracks in your character in order to integrate them into the wholeness of your being.
As you’ve no doubt realised, those you are connected to bring out the best and worst in you. They uncover your flaws by reflecting a mirror onto them. In doing so, you are called to examine and heal that aspect of yourself, not retreat into apathy.
Therefore, do not bemoan when a relationship has run its course. There is an energetic current which takes place in all living things. Oftentimes people come into your life for a brief duration and leave in a similar manner. You may be left to wonder whether your actions contributed to their departure – rest assured that nature has served its purpose and it is time to move on.
“Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you”
– Mike Murdock
Tuning in to love
When a relationship ends unexpectedly, you may wish to take refuge in a simple mantra: “How would LOVE respond in my situation?”
In a previous article titled How to Raise Your Consciousness, I outlined the case for raising your consciousness to the level of LOVE in order to attract harmonious relationships.
When I talk about love, I am not referring to the romantic connection which exists between two people. I am describing the energetic frequency that is your authentic state of being. Were it not for love, how would you express your appreciation toward a loved one?
As you align with the frequency of love, you invoke deeper and richer relationships, which are entrusted in a higher energetic force. Everything within the universe is energy, pulsating at a low or high vibrational rate.
To gain clarity on an existing relationship which threatens your emotional wellbeing, contemplate the following points:
- Invite the power of LOVE with its higher frequency into your life on a regular basis. Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it”. In a similar tone, Deepak Chopra asserts that love is stronger than gravity. Therefore, expand your consciousness beyond your perceived awareness in order to support this powerful state of being.
- Consider what lesson you are invited to learn in the context of your current relationship. Posing the following question, “What lesson does the greater intelligence within me seek from this experience?” becomes an invitation to connect with your infinite wisdom. Rest assured, every lesson will be vested in LOVE. Your conflicts are signposts directing you toward love.
- Ponder the following question, “What aspect of myself, whether favourable or undesirable is the other person highlighting?” If the other person is an emotional blanket, devoid of connecting with their feelings, consider how you might be mirroring their behaviour?
When others accentuate a negative quality within you, in that very moment you have sought to disown that aspect if you are not at peace with yourself. This becomes the root of your suffering if the pain is left unexamined. Furthermore, it underscores the need to heal the separation within so as to build a stronger foundation for the connection to thrive.
Relationship problems are not inclined to defeat you, rather they are a call to heal a disowned aspect of yourself by bringing the wound to the surface.
Consider it akin to a splinter of wood lodged in your finger. By removing the splinter, not only do you heal the physical wound, you simultaneously reveal a layer of oneself previously concealed by your emotional pain.
Do you have relationship experiences that were unpleasant at the time but have turned into great life lessons? What was the lesson you learnt? Tell us below.