How to avoid jumping on the judgement train 54



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I like to think that I’m not judgemental. In fact I have testimonials from clients saying how they never felt judged despite x, y or z. But despite that I can catch myself jumping on the judgement train. Usually it’s to do with someone’s behaviour which I judge to be inconsiderate in some way. The driver overtaking the cyclist dangerously; a fellow coffee drinker who took up so much space they practically sat on my lap. Small things in the great scheme of life but when expanded they have the potential to cause damage both to myself and to others.

Damage? How so? Well let’s dive in and have a closer look at the possible physical knock-on. Think about how you feel when you have negative thoughts. Do you notice that somehow you begin to feel narrower, tighter – a sense of shrinking? It’s like putting on a pair of dark glasses. Suddenly the world and our view of it gets darker.

Having jumped on the judgement train with a single thought, it then takes off at bullet speed and isn’t stopping anytime soon. That one thought leads to another, and then another until our whole world starts to shrivel. Other previous judgements join in about ourselves as well as other people, and the destination becomes resentment.

Believing that an attack of some kind is imminent, our body starts galvanising the inner troops needed to fight back, which over time is definitely bad news for our health and well-being. Ultimately we could become someone that others want to avoid being around (they seem to have such a jaundiced view of the world that I don’t want to be yet another target!)

It was Mother Teresa who said ‘If we judge others, we have no time to love them’. It’s so true that if we focus on the negatives we lose the ability to see the beauty in people and life. So I devised a technique that I have used and shared over the years. The 3 C’s is a simple and effective formula:

Catch it: Notice what you are thinking
Challenge it: Ask yourself ‘Is it helpful to be thinking this?’
Change it: Either drop it or change it to something more uplifting, positive or constructive.

Not always easy but definitely one way of making sure you stay off the judgement train!


Tell us, are you a judgemental person? How do you stop yourself from judging?

Akasha Lonsdale

Akasha Lonsdale is the founder of The Life Mastery Academy™ which is dedicated to positive change from the Inside-Out. She is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, spiritualpreneur, author and speaker who passionately believes that ‘inner peace = world peace’.

  1. I try hard to be non judgemental and do need to rein myslef in sometimes; however, judgemental or not I will not compromise my standards.

  2. I always try very hard not to judge, but occasionally I do catch myself and need to pull myself up, so I will try using your technique. Xxxxx

  3. I’ve noticed that a lot of people on this group have been judging a lot lately, mainly Muslim refugees. They think it’s just opinion but it is outright judgement. I also judge too often and would like to stop

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  4. We are called upon to make judgement calls practically every day in one way to another. The thing I find disturbing, especially on this site, is the amount of meanness which exists between people who disagree with each other. There. I am being judgemental and I do not apologise, but one thing you will not see me doing is calling people names such as morons, idiots, racists or bigots. If I do not like what someone has written I just keep going without commenting or abusing. If you do not like what I have to say then please, feel free to keep on going, but do not judge me or abuse me because I think differently to you, because the point of free speech is exactly that. Free.

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  5. Judging others is a human survival skill! We meet someone and we instinctively assess if they are harmless or threatening. Then after a few minutes we ask ourselves, do we like this person, do we believe what this person is trying to tell us. Do I need to get away, or do I accept this person as an acquaintance or a possible friend. These are generally subconscious processes. In a slightly different field are the judgments of others behavior. What we might term socially unacceptable. People invading your space, being noisy, swearing loudly, or abusing another person, particularly a child. Then there is the judgement of someone who expresses a different view of politics, religion, current affairs, or on other people. Or the people who try to brow beat you to change to their way of thinking. So you see, to get through life we are constantly judging. It’s how we handle the results of the judgement that make us what we are. We can react, walk away, listen and consider, or lose our temper and strike out with nasty words or a physical reaction. And don’t forget, as quickly as we judge others, they are judging us.

    11 REPLY
    • Well expressed from a person capable of thinking for themselves rather than jumping on the bandwagon of somebody else’s agenda.

    • A good way to solve a problem.
      For most of my working life I worked as a Systems Analyst so I have designed them, developed them implemented them, maintained them, up graded them under all sorts of guises and names. The group I was with then had just spent millions installing new software on 14 live platforms in three countries and I was out in one of the operations seeing how everything was settling down. As I walked through the factory I could see several problems which required attention.

      Now I could handle this at least three ways. Go to the CEO and advise him of the problems and how they could be fixed. Go to the Ops Manager and do the same thing and he would have to convince the CEO. Or I could go to the Planning Office and discuss it with them as I knew they were not happy with the current situation. I chose the last option. So off to the Planning Manager to get a time when he could accompany me to the Planning Office so that he could overview the process.

      Next stop was the Planning Office for the initial contact. That is, to determine whether they had a problem and when was the best time to sort it. They wanted to do it and said that day during the two hours prior to lunch.

      Good off to get the materials for the exercise and let the Planning Manager know. Materials were a roll of butchers paper and a box of coloured marker pens and some packing tape.

      Ah time for the meeting. There was a photocopy white board in the office and by the time we got there the staff had already put some problem points up on the board. We then stuck about 4 metres of butchers paper on one of the walls and started a Fishbone Chart which covered all of the input, output and processes in the office highlighting all of the problems. If I thought the staff had missed a problem I asked if they were having any problems with a particular part of the process and after some thought someone would say “oh yes remember…..” and it was noted.

      The process took a little longer than the 2 hours. All of the input came from the staff with some hints from the Planning Manager or myself. I shouted them all lunch in the canteen.

      The outcome was I didn’t have to be judgemental, the staff and the Planning Manager owned the plan because it was theirs and the CEO gave it a tick because he knew it would be implemented. Everyone was happy and three of us got ticks at bonus time.

      Gee life was easy and boy I can waffle. B|

    • without conflict. You actually MANAGED people in a good way, although I wonder what they would have thought if they had cottoned on to you!! You must have been very good at your job. Once again, well done!

    • Bruce Mahony, well done. After your initial judgement, you manipulated the staff to seek out the problems and guided them come up with acceptable solutions. So, without flaunting your authority, you ended up with the result you wanted. This is called leadership management! You were very good at your job. I applaud you. But I can’t help thinking what they would have thought if they had cottoned on to you!! Once again, well done!

    • I thought a lot about how we judge people, situations, nations, religious groups. This was because my daughter underwent 3 very serious traumatic experiences in her life that caused her to suffer from panic attacks. One day she explained to me that she was terrified of being judged. This was just prior to going to Melbourne to attend a convention necessary to her job. A big girl still reeling from betrayal and a broken marriage I felt for her. My sister and I decided to go to Melbourne with her. We dropped her off and then picked her up afterwards. We had dinner in town, enjoying each other’s company. So, the family worked at re- establishing her self esteem. I told her a version of what I’ve written above. This was a girl who had been confident, clever, kind, and creative. Then she couldn’t bear people near her, even coming to her door. Storms, fear for her pets, any little thing could set her off. So, to people who assume they can make horrible remarks to others because they won’t agree with them, try not to judge. You don’t know what they might have been through. I have been known to occasionally react to a particularly nasty slur, but I’m always sorry I fell for it and regret doing so.

    • Mary Campagnolo oh they were well aware of my tricks. I was one of the very few who saw all of the operations in the group so when ever I was on site they always made sure to catch up so that I could update them on what was happening throughout the group. I did a lot of that in five of the different groups I worked in.

    • Bruce, you certainly had a good job and were good at it! I’ve worked in leadership positions and I appreciate your tactics. It’s essential to get people to focus on the primary outcome snd use whatever skills and tricks you have in your kit! I hope you have retired and are enjoying a life of ease!

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