Don’t give up on sex just because you’re getting older 2

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Sex can be one of the most enjoyable and rewarding experiences of life. It is also one of the most bonding experiences for people in relationships because after climax the body produces oxytocin which is the ‘I like, trust and love you’ hormone. Just the act of intimate physical contact can make you feel good and whole.

Sex in your 60s can be as rewarding as sex in the younger years even though it may be different as you age

When people are young, they form love maps. These are maps of who we fancy, excites us and enthrals us. The maps are influenced by our families, education, social, religious and cultural backgrounds. Some people grow up seeing sex as wholesome, wonderful and enriching at all ages. Other people may have grown up with the perception that there is no sex over 60.

How our love maps colour our world influences how we sexually engage at any age

Our bodies, hormones, physical abilities and desires change with the years. Leaping on the automatic washing machine on a fast-spin cycle with your legs wrapped around your husband might not be so possible while managing the walking frame. You might need to plan sex and put it in your diary between line dancing and physiotherapy and tell your relatives you will be out for the afternoon.

You may need the help of science to increase your sexual libido and performance. Women may need to use a vaginal lubricant to combat vaginal dryness. Try different sexual positions and angles to get better vaginal penetration. Consider experimenting with sex toys as part of your foreplay and to open up your vagina before attempting intercourse. If you have an overly loose vagina, one of the most popular cosmetic surgeries is now vaginal tightening and remodelling.

Men may need stimulation with erotica in the form of videos, or magazines to start off and improve erections. If you have physical problems with erections you may consider medications such as Viagra or Cialis (these are not without risks so of course must be prescribed by a medical practitioner), use a penis pump, cock ring, or penis extension sleeve, with or without a vibrator.

Casual sex is okay too

If you don’t currently have a partner, maybe you can think about dating again or at least finding a friend with benefits. Just because you take a lover it does not mean they are going to move in and change your life if you like being single.

While sex can be a very bonding experience, casual sex in your 60s and beyond can be equally as much fun as it is for younger people.

Some people may prefer to use the services of sex workers, even if they are in retirement villages. Staff are now trained to appreciate and understand that older people also have a right to sexual encounters on their own terms.

You may be gay and been of a generation where you could not come out but might like to explore your sexuality in your mature years. Give yourself permission to do so if it feels right for you.

One thing is clear: For many people in their 60s, sex beats bowls, jam-making or macramé. You can take your time, ask for what you want and you have more time to enjoy it.

Sex on a regular basis increases your serotonin and endorphins (happiness and pain-killing hormones) and it might be a little more exciting than senior yoga.

What are your thoughts on sex in your 60s?

Tracie O'Keefe

Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH, BHSc, ND is a clinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist and sex therapist as well as a naturopath and nutritionist who takes a mind-body approach to health. Director at the Australian Health & Education Centre in Sydney, she has over 20 years’ experience helping thousands of people achieve optimum physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. Tracie is the best-selling author of seven books on topics including sex, gender and sexuality diversity; self-hypnosis and natural health. On her YouTube channel she features health tips plus interviews with extraordinary people redefining expectations of themselves. In addition to running her clinic, Tracie is a speaker and trainer with a range of downloadable, digital self-help programs. www.doctorok.com

  1. So how old is Tracie O’keefe? Is she qualified to talk about over 60’s sex? Experience is the best teacher, not hearsay.
    My wife is 65. I am 77.
    We still have a similar sexual life as we did 20 years ago, albeit less regularly.
    Anyone who needs Viagra etc should see a doctor. Plaque build up in the arteries can cause erectile dysfunction- the first signs are in the penis. 80% of heart attack victims cannot get an erection.
    Yes, vaginal dryness is a problem, as is stretching of the foreskin if the male is uncircumcised and a water based lubricant is certainly a requirement.
    Age does not diminish sex drive.

    1 REPLY
    • Yes, Graham, Tracie is 61. The Starts at Sixty site accidentally put the wrong picture of Tracie with her article. It’s now been corrected 🙂

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