Super-funny yarns about what woman have to put up with

This woman’s husband got banned from Woolies. The reasons why are brilliant.

Dear Mrs Green:

Over the past six months, your husband Royce has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviour and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are currently attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr Green have been compiled and are listed below.

Complaint Department

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MEMO Re: Mr Green – Complaints – Things Mr Royce Green has done while his wife was shopping:

  1. November 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
  2. November 23: Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  3. December 10: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
  4. January 10: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by.
  5. March 5: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he threw himself down on the floor, began to cry and wailed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
  6. March 26: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
  7. April 15: Darted around the store, looking around suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
  8. July 12: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, ‘NO! NO! Sheila! It’s those voices again’!

Julie was having lunch with her sister when she brought up Julie’s recent engagement.  “Are you excited to get married?” she asked.

“I broke it off,” Julie said. “I thought it was love at first sight. It was, but it was the second and third looks that changed my mind.

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“Oh no,” her sister said.  “What happened?”

Julie thought for a second and then said: “Well, I figured it was love at first sight, but it was the second and third looks that changed my mind.”