50 Sheds of Grey: Love encounters at the bottom of the garden

The novel Fifty Shades of Grey has seduced women –and baffled blokes. Now, Fifty Sheds of Grey offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts:

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  • We tried various positions –round the back, on the side, up against a wall but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
  • She stood before me, trembling in my shed. ““I’’m yours for the night”,” she gasped. ““You can do whatever you want with me”.” So I took her to Bunnings.
  • She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
  • Ever since she read that book, I’’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.
  • ““Put on this rubber suit and mask”,” I instructed, calmly. ““Mmmm, kinky!””, she purred. ““Yes,”” I said. ““You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof”.”
  • ““I’’m a very naughty girl”,” she said, biting her lip. “”I need to be punished”.” So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
  • “”Harder!”” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. ““Harder!”” “Okay,” I said. “What’’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”
  • I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
  • “”Are you sure you can take the pain?”,” she demanded, brandishing her stilettos. ““I think so”,” I gulped. “”Here we go, then”,” she said, and showed me the receipt.
  • “”Hurt me!”” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. “”Very well”,” I replied. ““You’’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense”.
  • “”Are you sure you want this?”” I asked. “”When I’’m done, you won’’t be able to sit down for weeks”.” She nodded. “”Okay”,” I said, “putting the three-piece suite on eBay”.
  • ““Punish me!”” she cried. “”Make me suffer like only a real man can!”” ““Very well”,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up!

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Thanks so much for Brian for sending this through. To submit one of your own to share with the Starts at 60 community, click here.