This is an addictive read.
Beautifully written by Esther Perel, author of bestseller Mating in Captivity it delves into the murky world, of deceit, betrayal and ultimate pain.
Written from the perspective of a professional psychotherapist, it follows the journey and many reasons why people cheat on their partners and ultimately stray.
In The State of Affairs, Perel asks us to be more considerate and less judging of people involved in all levels in an affair. She points out that the pain is very real for all people involved, usually three, the perpetrator, the injured party and the third party.
She challenges us to understand how an affair came about, how much input each party had and ultimately how it could have been prevented.
Infidelity or to use a more pc term, having an affair, has been present since people first started coupling and history is littered with the debris of shattered relationships. Perel tries to make sense of the reasons why this occurs.
She does not attempt to make light of the collateral damage caused by a clandestine relationship or the effect it can have on a family unit, rather she tries to offer a path towards a future new relationship.
In one of the scenarios outlined in the book, an affair ultimately brings the husband and wife closer together when the wife (of course, it is always the wife who needs to up her game) questions her partner on the magical mechanics of his mistresses technique and then applies them herself.
In this brave new world of same-sex and heterosexual matings, it seems that neither group is immune from the wandering partner. Pretty much a case of “the more things change, the more they stay the same”.
I have always been of the opinion that an affair was simply two people enjoying a good old fashioned shag, but apparently not.