‘I had to knit for a girl with a 60-inch head’

Recently, I was casually feeding the kookaburras and enjoying the lovely warm sunshine at Noosa, on the Sunshine Coast. The magpies came for their share as well. It really is a peaceful way to spend an hour or two.

Pretty soon that peace was shattered by my phone beeping loudly. A message came through. It was from a woman asking me if I could make her a beanie.

I replied that it wouldn’t be a problem and I asked her to measure her head circumference so I could make one to fit her. She duly messaged back telling me her head was 60 inches around. My mind boggled. A 60-inch head?!

“Are you sure?” I asked. “That seems a little large.”

“Oh yes,” she replied. “It is 60 inches around.”

I could not come to grips with this information, so asked her again to measure it very carefully. At this point she seemed a little peeved but came back with the 60 inches.

“That is correct,” she told me.

“I have a large head because I am really brainy. I am highly intelligent,” she said.

Who am I to argue with that logic.

With that knowledge I told her I would have her beanie completed in a couple of days. I was pretty certain she would have had a 60cm head. Even that measurement is quite large for a woman.

I could not come to grips with the thought of a head with a circumference of 5 feet. Really, in all honesty, I don’t think anyone could even imagine such a sight.

However, as someone with a warped sense of humour, I got thinking of the ramifications for a person with a 5-foot head circumference. To make a beanie of those proportions I would need to arrange a bank loan just to buy enough wool to complete the task. I would also need to do some serious mathematical calculations to get the fit right.

Maybe an elephant as a model. An elephant’s head could possibly be a similar size I reckon, though maybe that would even be too small.

How on earth would a head that size fit through a normal doorway? It would not. What kind of house would such a person live in? No amount of squeezing would make that gigantic noggin fit. What about the sleeping arrangements? A double bed is 4 foot, 6 inches. That would leave an overflow of 3 inches either side. Certainly no room for two in that bed. I think one would be destined to a lonely life.

No going on buses trains or planes either. That head would not fit. For all you mathematical geniuses out there, I realise that 5-foot circumference is not 5 feet diameter, but I took the liberty of allowing my thoughts to wander.

But I digress… I shall get my wool and crochet hook out and start on the beanie. I’ll make it 60cm, though I am sure even that will be too large.

Have you ever struggled with information someone has given you? Has there been an occasion where small details have had your mind wandering?

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