Listen up, I am hereby writing my confessions as a life-long covert and overt chocoholic. Yes, dear brethren and fellow addicts, I have lived through many years experiencing the highs and lows of chocolate addiction. The highs being the sweet melting sensation as I consumed the smoothness of Cadbury’s full cream milk blocks, or the deep satisfaction of dark chocolate desire.
“Go on, have a bit more. One more little bit of chocolate won’t hurt.” In fact, I munched my way through university on blocks of dark chocolate, satiating my endorphins and pleasure centres of my brain. You know the old adage, ‘A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips’, so true. I graduated with a good degree and good fat hips, but all that flab dissipated when I started teaching the future of Australia.
I quickly discovered the beneficial healing effect of chocolate on my mischievous grades of children. Like most kids, they could hear the rustle of a chocolate wrapper right across the school. That’s one way to get kids to sit up straight, put pen to paper and apply themselves.
Through later years, my chocolate fix was still satisfying. Who can resist the seductive allure of Easter egg chocolate, and don’t get me started on those Easter bunnies? Do you eat your bunny ears first, or feet first?
But then there are the lows. The lows are still the flabby wobbles around the girth. “Never mind,” I tell myself, as I wander down the supermarket’s aisle of chocolate. “I need to buy a Toblerone for a friend’s gift. One for her and one for me. Why not?”
Then there is housework. The only way to tackle being alone with a mop, broom, the dusters and the cleansers, is to accompany all this with a packet of Tim Tams. If Aladdin could grant me three wishes right now, one of my wishes would be for a never-ending packet of Tim Tams. A chick can whizz around the home, sparkling everywhere, leaving only a few crumbs behind. That is a sign of true chocoholism. Shh, secret! The covert life of a chocolate addict.
At times in my life as a chocoholic, I invented the chocolate meditation. It is particularly good for single self-sufficient women. Here are the requirements: gals need a bowl of rich chocolate ice-cream, sprinkled with either Milo or a crumbled Flake, a cup of hot cocoa, two Mars Bars, and a good romantic novel.
A chocolate meditation is a perfect, unlimited calorie, totally satisfying meal. You prepare the necessities, very light on vegetables, no saucepans or frying pans to scour. You settle into bed with a great romance, read and eat chocolate! Is there anything better than a Mars Bar for sublime enjoyment? Yes, two Mars Bars! Are Mars Bars better than men? This chocoholic wonders, weighing heavily (pun!) in favour of the Mars Bars. You end up with a sticky mess on your sheets anyway.
Bliss, bliss. Surreptitiously, there is the voice of Cadbury’s calling from my stash in the cupboard. One more won’t hurt. Shh, covert chocoholics unite!