Revisiting the moments that perfectly capture family summer holidays

After Christmas, the annual migration begins. First, there is the packing up for holiday fun — sunscreen, flyspray, insect repellent, shorts, T-shirts, beach towels, swimming togs, toiletries, boogie boards or surfboards, eskies of foods and drinks, thermos, anything else you can think of to take. Plus you must pack for the pet dog — collar, lead, bowls, flea repellent, heart tablets, his esky of special foods, plus brush, comb and dog snacks. Don’t leave the dog behind!

Right, the car is bulging, and you’re off. The exodus from the capital cities commences. This is commonly known as Carmageddon on Boxing Day. Irate motorists sit in three lanes of traffic jams, behind caravans and assorted holiday makers. A two-hour trip turns into a seven-hour nightmare. You realise you are taking your interdependent fractured family relationships with you, testing the limits on the way to being there for holiday fun.

You’ve arrived. Finally! Yeah, you get to set up the old tent, or connect the caravan. Much vivid vocabulary from the male of the species, who is hungry and has a bad back, all of a sudden. You have to unpack the car, but the beach is sparkling in the sunset. The mosquitoes and flies are as big as sparrows. Did you really forget the Aerogard? Holiday fun has begun!

Hot, oozing perspiration, if not sweating, you wander off to join the queue at the ablutions block. This seems like an endless trek. The showers and loo already have a variable state of hygiene, and not enough loo paper. Thank goodness you brought your own!

Have you ever wondered why there are so many people here at the sea? Or at the riverside, or lakeside? What is so appealing about flocking to the water? Well, a lateral theory of evolution would rebut some of Charles Darwin’s concepts, and claim that the human race originated as higher forms of amphibians in the oceans of the world. A very ancient race of beings. This theory may make some sense. There is aqueous liquid in the womb, some people favour water births, and we can teach very young babies to swim. We love our daily showers or tubs. Every now and again, a child is born with a genetic mutation of webbing on its hands and feet. Aqua people
could have existed. This is only a theory.

Anyway, your waterside holiday is fun. You take your children to a beach with dangerous rips and tides. Your kids have only ever learnt swimming in an indoor, heated swimming pool with floaties and coaches. Mind they don’t float away at the beach! This is the annual tally of water tragedies. It is guaranteed that someone will blow up a speedboat every summer. You will get sunburnt, maybe a bladder infection (the local doctors are all on holidays!), there will be sharks, jellyfish, maybe snakes and bushfire hazards.

Yes, this is the start of the annual drowning season. As well as this, you are dwelling in third world living conditions in a heatwave. Yes, holiday fun has begun!

Wait! Soon it is time to pack up all that fun time holiday gear, and head off home behind all those caravans. You are beginning to feel like a divorce. He can have his brats!

Ahhh! You made it home in one piece. Finally! Your home looks so spacious. Here, you have an indoor loo, endless hot and cold running showers, an air-conditioner, comfortable furniture, your own bed and a giant refrigerator, and a colour television that works! Bliss! But you had holiday fun?

Does this holiday adventure ring any bells for you? Did you take the family camping during the Christmas/New Year period?

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