‘The things I wish I had known when I was a young mother in the 1960s’

Being a mother can be such a guilt trip. Whatever we do we feel we may be wrong, we make mistakes, children can have accidents…I know mine fell off bikes, climbed trees, dropped rocks on their feet playing in a stream. One even fell through a glass door tripping up over his new flared trousers. The same wild boy pulled an iron down onto his leg, so horrible things happen. I often think about the things I did as a young mother, what I wish I had known then, and the things I am proud of.

The middle boy was particularly accident prone, but when he had his leg in plaster he used it for a brake when riding his bike, putting the base of the cast on the ground. I had to take him back three times for a replacement plaster, nothing I said stopped him.

I was in New Zealand at first and had no family around to give me advice, they were all too far away. We had two children in 18 months, so I had to get on with it, ‘flying by the seat of my pants’. I learned as I went.

In the 1960s, my husband would have been considered typical of the time. He came home from work and he might have played with the kids and helped a little with washing up, but he was more involved with fishing and making furniture for us. My way of keeping sane was to have a good routine, proper bed times and meals eaten at the right time.

When I think about what I did wrong now, I would have allowed myself more fun times. I was so scared and so young I just kept to the things I should do, but looking back on it now I would have enjoyed those babies more had I loosened up. I was so regimented; I would have allowed myself more times to just love them. When I had our third child, I really did just that. With the other two at school I treasured the time I had with him.

I made sure my children had a varied diet from three months, against all the teachings of the time and all the dire warnings. They ate mashed vegetables, pureed fruit and diluted cereal from around three months and they also had eggs and peanut butter.

I fed my daughter, Kerry, for six months, then she went straight to a cup. She only had a bottle a few times and she hated it, but could manage sips from a special cup. She also crawled at five months and could stand and walk round furniture at seven months; she was small and agile.

The second baby had a bottle for a while, but he also loved his solid food so was able to use a spoon at 10 months and shovelled it in! The third baby I had back in the United Kingdom and he also had solid food early. I did feed the second two for a month or so, but with other children it was harder.

Isn’t it strange all the ‘experts’ said only breast milk for a year; well they seem to have it wrong as we have a nation of children with severe allergies. Now they are saying it’s okay to give your child solid foods (should they be ready) from four months. Good to know I was ahead of the trend. I am happy that all my children are healthy, allergy free and have regular exercise. None of them smoke and they drink in moderation. No drugs either, they are now in their 50s, so reckon we passed that obstacle.

I hope I taught them compassion; caring for people and animals; respect for others; what a good diet consists of; and how to have fun. We do know how to have fun when we get together. The laughs are the best bit.

As a young mother I wish I had known back then how much we can shape a child and direct them by positive feedback. I didn’t realise it at the time, but if I had my chance again I would work on this aspect. I might have helped my middle child avert the dramas in his life.

Yet, we managed to get through all the chaos of teenage years, the turmoil of relationships failing, yet now two of ours have been married well over 25 years each. My middle boy is a little less stable, having clocked up two marriages. He has now decided it might not be for him, but he wistfully says he wishes he could be like us and find a life partner.

I only had dear Dr. Spock in the early days, and although I read the book for help, I didn’t stick to his rules. In the end we have to navigate our own path. It is never easy, but I am so glad we had the life we did and the children.

Are you a parent? What things do you wish you’d known as a first-time parent? What are your children like?

Do you have a story to share with Starts at 60? We want to publish it. Sign up as a contributor and submit your stories to here. Stories written by over-60s go into the draw for some great weekly prizes. You can also join the Starts at 60 Bloggers Club on Facebook to talk to other writers in the Starts at 60 community and learn more about how to write for Starts at 60.