‘I’ve rewritten the romantic chick lit on my bookshelf to cater for social distancing’

Reading is a good pastime in this Corona Lockdown, in which half the world is currently engaged. One of my genres is romantic chick lit, by authors such as the ever-popular Danielle Steele. This is American escapism at its best.

I just finished one of her books, great. But, wrong! Why is suddenly so passe? Well, the rich, beautiful heroine, let’s call her Olivia, clad in a cute mink jacket, flew from New York to Paris, business class.

She gazed at films and sipped the best champagne. In Paris, that city of light and romance, her debonair, hottie potential lover greeted her, driving her off in his racy black Ferrari.

Spot the social distancing of our new age, as these young ones embraced and kissed in front of the Eiffel Tower. So politically Covid-19 incorrect now.

After she practically swooned in her beau’s arms, he took her to an expensive jewellery store, to buy her an amazing sapphire bracelet, to match her sparkling blue eyes. Then on to retail therapy at Chanel, Dior, Hermes and Givenchy. Reality check, dear readers, these are not essential businesses. Danielle Dearest did not factor in our viral age.

Hasn’t the world changed for such lucky lovers? Today, all the bracelets in the world cannot buy anyone a romantic dinner in a candlelit bistro on the Left Bank. Yes, totally passe.

Let’s rewrite this to our current madcap pandemic non-social whirl, where we presently dwell. On my online dating website, I may today receive a wink or kiss.

“Your profile makes me laugh!” That is the message. Of course, some oversexed septuagenarian has been entranced by my many charming graces.

How and where can we meet for our tryst? Perhaps we can gaze at each other with ageing, smouldering glances across social distancing supermarket trolleys at Woolworths. Super, no snogging! Yes, that would be virally correct.

Maybe we could be phone buddies on Saturday nights, in our own rooms, in separate suburbs. We could both eat popcorn and gaze at the same movie at the same time. Then we could video call and share an inter-chat about the plot and method acting.

He might whisper sweet nothings in my shell-like feminine ears via my iPhone, socially distancing. We might do faux phone kissing.

Yes, that is all now acceptable and politically correct for us oldies. I am sure the young ones will still weave some magic of their own, they have not got much else to do. They might dodge lockdown regulations, and the stork might be very busy in the months ahead.

Ah, a ping on my phone. Shhh, my profile makes him laugh.

No wonder, I am rewriting epic romantic chick lit. What should I text? Or is that passe too? Maybe coffee and cake on the other side of this non-social whirl.

Do you have a story to share with Starts at 60? We want to publish it. Sign up as a contributor and submit your stories to Starts at 60. Stories written by over-60s go into the draw for some great weekly prizes. You can also join the Starts at 60 Bloggers Club on Facebook to talk to other writers in the Starts at 60 community and learn more about how to write for Starts at 60.