‘Finding strength in times of despair: How I finally realised I’m worth it’

Is it worth it? Why do I bother? I have uttered these words hundreds of times as I’m sure many more of you have. As we grow older and look back on our lives, we remember some things we would prefer not to remember and some things that will never stop warming our hearts.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I have often asked myself the questions, especially ‘Is it worth it?’ Those four little words have been uttered in the darkness of night, in the dawning of the day, at every time possible. I am so glad that I have forced myself to get out of bed, to clean my house, go shopping or just go for a walk, when those words have escaped from my mouth.

Life can be very tough and it’s easy for those who have not experienced dramas or health problems (being physical or mental), to tell those of us who do to suck it up and get on with it, or stop whinging or feeling sorry for yourself. What I have learned is that you need patience with people like that. Those who don’t want to, will never understand.

The old adage of ‘walk a mile in my shoes’ is something everyone should consider. People need to realise that they cannot possibly understand what impact life events have on the individual.

If you have suffered or do suffer from a mental illness that shapes your day, or a physical problem or illness that affects your entire life, you know what someone else is going through to a certain degree and can be sympathetic. Most people understand, but while they may be able to understand a portion of what is being experienced, they can never truly understand the issue in its entirety.

Is it worth it? Why do I bother? Yes it’s worth it, yes you should bother, though there are times when you think you can’t. There are times when you think you are alone, that nobody has experienced what you are experiencing. There are times, especially as age creeps up on you and your health suffers or your loved ones pass on, that you wonder why you bother. There are times when you don’t think you have anything to look forward to, that you could just stay in bed. Nobody will notice, right?

Is it worth it? Why do you bother? Yes it’s worth it, yes you should bother, because you are worth it, you matter. You see, this world, as imperfect as it is, would be more imperfect without you. There is someone in your world who will be devastated if you are no longer in theirs. There is a bird who will not get bread crumbs or a flower that won’t blossom, because you didn’t water it, if you don’t bother.

It is worth it, just to see the smile on a child’s face or hear your child or grandchild tell you they love you. You bother because it’s who you are. You bother to bake a cake, because someone you know will love it. You bother to take that walk because you want to smell the roses, to breathe in the freshness of the air around you.

The world can sometimes be harsh, but it can also be very worth it. You can experience something new and wonderful every day, like a place you haven’t been, the wonder of the ballet, opera or just a movie you love. The love you see in the eyes of your pet as you come through the door, or the gratitude of a stranger as you hold a door open for them, will warm your heart.

When or if you find yourself asking ‘Is it worth it?’ or ‘Why do I bother?’, always remember, you are worth it to someone, you are not a bother to someone. There are endless possibilities around us and you can help with those possibilities so long as you are here.

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