‘Nervous about the dentist? I don’t think there’s any reason to be afraid anymore’

I’ve often wondered why so many people are afraid of going to the dentist! I’ve always been one of the fortunate ones I guess, it doesn’t worry me I’m glad to say. I have never had a really bad experience with one, but I do have friends who are terrified, to the extent they just don’t go to see one at all. And it shows, either in discoloured or rotten teeth, evil breath, or a tendency to be fairly miserable most of the time!

Of the women I know, it would seem they don’t like going to the dentist because they feel it’s embarrassing, especially if they are secret denture wearers and none of their friends are aware of it. Of course these women are much more aware of their appearances too, and they watch each other like hawks, searching for that vital tiny change to a friend’s face, which they can expand on to other friends.

Men aren’t like that, they don’t give a damn about what they look like — it’s just raw fear in their case, a fear of that nasty needle, or the enormous pliers the dentist sticks in a mouth that is about to be separated from one of its molars.

Another very important factor in the unpopularity of dentistry is the sheer cost. A friend of mine recently had one tooth extracted and replaced with a tiny plate (about 2 centimetres of pink plastic), that had mounted on it the needed gap-filling false molar, and it cost him several thousand dollars. It makes me wish I’d chosen dentistry for my profession, instead of art, but I don’t really enjoy spending my days in the close proximity of various people’s mouths.

I really don’t know why it all has to cost such a lot though, just as much as I wonder why we don’t get our teeth looked at under the auspices of Medicare anyway. What is so different about a sick mouth that sets it apart in this peculiar way (as are feet, another victim of the mysterious ways of our bureaucrats)?

Of course, I’m generalising when I talk about the cost of dentistry; I appreciate that there is some truly wonderful work being done these days, in the form of implants for instance. Yet, I do find it difficult to understand how the dentist can insert a set of tiny nuts into one’s jaw, perfectly aligned to later take the plate on which the teeth are mounted, and not appear as if there is a whole engineering shop in there — I’d almost expect to see a workbench under the patient’s tongue! I suppose its work of that nature that accounts for the immense cost.

But surely the expense involved in a simple filling or even an extraction can’t really be as high as we are charged for the work? I had a small tooth out a year or two ago and it cost me $300; I was in the chair for about 10 minutes!

At least our dentists do, for the most part, treat us with respect and an acute desire not to hurt us! They pump anaesthetic into the part to be operated on, they give us earphones sending soft music into our minds and they fit us with sunglasses so we won’t be dazzled by the powerful lights they seem to need to do their work.

Of course, there’s that greatest invention of all … the high-speed drill! If you belong on the lower, more juvenile end of the Starts at 60 readership, you may only have experienced the modern, high-speed drill, but the more mature among us can remember, with horror, the low-speed drill!

When the dentist used that evil piece of equipment it was very much like having one of those pneumatic drills that road workers use to break up an old road before building anew. One’s whole head vibrated with the gigantic hammer blows it seemed to be emitting while the sound, transmitted through the bones of one’s scull rather than through one’s ears, sounded just like a machine gun being fired, right there in the room with one! It was large and unwieldy, almost completely filling your mouth, quite unlike the modern slim-as-a-fountain-pen drills used today, and one’s mouth seemed to fill up with the chips of bone and ivory it was destroying; definitely a piece of equipment I hope I shall never see again!

Yes, today’s dentists are quite enjoyable to visit. The one I visit has a surgery that is always immaculately clean, his equipment is modern and efficient looking, he doesn’t hurt me and he (usually) doesn’t make me bleed a lot either. In fact, it’s not at all a place to be scared of, especially as some very good work gets done there, and it makes me look a bit lovelier for another couple of years!

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